Jenny Pacillo
No Babies, More Drama and Juggalos: How I Will Change Facebook
Apparently, Facebook is opening stock options to the public this Friday. I know about a lot of things, but the stock market is not one of them. However, I have seen the '80s guy episode of _Futurama_, where Fry and his Wall Street pal take control of...
I Was Cockblocked by Robocop
An old friend came to visit me a few weeks ago. We hung out in Manhattan, got dinner, just the usual touristy hangs. When we returned to my house, I did the whole, “let’s watch a movie... on my laptop... in my room,” move. You might not think it, but I...
Wait, Pencils Are Art?
If I were playing a word association game with a therapist right now, and he said “pencil,” two things would come to mind: 1. Wrestler Freddie Blassie. I’m sure we all have our own personal memories of Classy Blassie, but I loved him as the...
Seducing the Insta-Gs: How I Plan to Get Some of That Facebook Money
I was lurking around Twitter a couple mornings ago, doing my usual routine of checking up on old boyfriends, current crushes, and the Iron Sheik, and my entire feed was clogged with people losing their minds about the whole Instagram Facebook thing...
We Can't Stop Listening to the Advice of Psychic Animals
Everyone always talks about animals predicting earthquakes and natural disasters, but I’m not too impressed by that. They typically only sense the impending doom just slightly before humans, so who really cares? I mean, it’s cool that cows lay down...
Video Time Machine, the App for iPhone and iPad is Actually Worth Buying
h5. I wish there were some hip videos of Abe Lincoln. He's my favorite. I hate that one "friend" everyone has that always brings up television shows from yesteryear and is all like, "remember this song?" and starts singing the _Punky Brewster...
Thank You Klout.com For Giving My Life Meaning
I don’t actually know much of anything about science and technology. I’ve done some “things” to get my thoughts published, but if you still think pride is part of the journalism game you've obviously never had to deal with explaining an awkwardly...
Dear LulzSec, I Hope You Never Stop Hacking
Not to be like, "oh I’m so cool and mysterious," but there are some things you might not know about me. I mean, to be honest with you I only have like three friends in real life, one of them being my grandmother and the other my basset hound, so unless...
To Whom It May Concern, Please Give Me A Job At Google
I think it's high time I jump on "Google's massive hiring spree"to score some money and make major changes in my shit life.
Sexting Etiquette for Dapper Dudes and Classy Ladies
I worked in a middle school a few years back, not as a lunch lady or anything weird like that, but as a special ed aid. This is about the time that “sexting” became popular. Clearly, I had been sending dudes fresh texts the second I got a cell phone...
I'm Goin' Sakawa
Having a four day weekend probably sounds great to you, and it is, but the whole being dead broke and almost thirty thing is really starting to bum me out hard, so I am going to start practicing Sakawa.