I'm Obsessed With The Rube Goldberg Competition

I never lived at school, but from what I understand, there are some really cool aspects of college life. I always wanted a little white board outside my door so I could get messages like, “c u at the dining hall!” and to give dudes a place to scribble ejaculating penises.

Other fun college experiences I missed out on were pranks, like putting the dean’s Volkswagen Beetle in the gymnasium, date rape, and listening to a cappella groups. But the thing I am most upset about not being involved in is the Rube Goldberg Competition.

The Rube Goldberg Competition takes place every March for high school and college students only. They are given a task to complete in at least twenty steps in under two minutes. You know that game Mouse Trap? Of course you do. It’s like that. On crack. If this doesn’t sound like fun to you then you can go to Hell.

The competition is named after the cartoonist, engineer, and inventor (among other things), Rube Goldberg. He was famous for his drawings of complex machines performing simple tasks in roundabout ways.

The winners of this year’s competition were the nerds from Wisconsin-Stout University who built a haunted Louisianan mansion that can water a plant in only 135 steps. So good. Next year’s objective is to inflate and then pop a balloon. Can’t wait.

Right now, I’m completely obsessed with the idea of Rube Goldberg machines. I would be willing to pay a team of geeks in cupcakes to build me some of these contraptions to help me through my every day life.

One machine could open up my bottle of anti-anxiety medication and feed me the appropriate amount when needed, while another could gently take my coke bottle glasses off my face as I fall asleep at night.

As an added bonus to my new found hobby, the Rube Goldberg website has a Rube Goldberg gift shop. You can score hats, t-shirts, sweatshirts, playing cards, etc. I’ve got my eye on a canvas beach tote bag that features a “Self Working Beach Sunshade.” It’s $26.95, which is a little out of my price range considering it’s a canvas sack, but I might splurge and treat myself. Looking fashionable is priceless.

I even watched an episode of the X-Files (season seven episode six) entitled, “The Goldberg Variation.” We’re all X-Files fans here right, or should I say “X Philes”? So this episode showcases Mulder’s quirky humor and Scully’s skepticism in regards to a gentleman who kept winding up in real life examples of Rube Goldberg machines.

I won’t spoil it just in case anybody hasn’t seen it yet. I’m just saying, what could be hotter than Mulder tinkering with an RG machine? I call them RG machines for short now.

Anyway. My big plans for the upcoming weekend are to Facebook the kids from the Wisconsin-Stout team and see if they can do some work for me, make a paper chain to count down the days until next year’s Rube Goldberg Competition, and also watch more X-Files. If you see me, feel free to say hi. I’ll be the girl in full Rube Goldberg gear, just loving life. Try not to die of jealousy.

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