People Who Drive While Playing 'Pokémon Go’ Are the Real Monsters

Pokémon Go, the new augmented reality game wherein players explore the real world to catch 'em all, is finally out and already taking over lives. Naturally, some players are being real jerks.

I'm not talking about the folks who are pulling off some minor hacks to get early access to the game, either—that's exactly what I did so I could play the game in Canada. No, the real monsters are the people who drive around to catch Pokémon.

Yeah, it's probably dangerous, but that's not what I'm completely irrationally pissed about (although please, please, don't go for a cruise while staring at your phone).

In any iteration of Pokémon, whether on TV, in film, or in video games, did you ever see Ash and his crew driving around in a Honda Civic, lazily lobbing Pokéballs out the window before they hit the drive-through for iced coffee?

A huge part of the appeal of Pokémon for me was always the overwhelming sense of childhood adventure—just walking around and exploring nature and running into all kinds of trouble. It's totally unrealistic and almost saccharine, but why else would a grown-ass person spend hours inside an idyllic virtual world where their main responsibility on any given day is to wander around in a forest?

Pokémon Go tries to take this feeling into the real world by, well, existing for one, and also explicitly encouraging players to take a walk. Seriously, to catch Pokemon, the company behind the game encourages you to go chill in a public park or recreation area.

Now think about what kind of person you have to be to throw this gift into the torn-up grocery bag serving as a garbage can in your car's passenger seat.

Also, it's cheating, you assholes.