I Licked My Phone to Test the 'iTunes of Cunnilingus'

You might want to clean your phone first.

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Mar 9 2017, 3:00pm

Thanks to a new web app by adult entertainment webcam platform CamSoda, I now know what my phone tastes like.

It's only natural that the people who brought us the "iTunes of Blowjobs" and smell-o-vision for sex would try to close the gender gap in weird tech for porn in celebration of Women's History Month. Their latest invention, O-Cast, invites cam viewers as well as regular 'ol sex-havers to mimic the action of cunnilingus right on their cell phones and send it to a waiting woman's sex toy.

Using a lot of imagination and some oral dexterity, users can lick the app, record their best effort, and upload it to the website for people to peruse, choose, and send to a connected vibrator. The creators see this as an added layer of interaction with cam models, a toy for couples, or for the average woman looking to mix it up with the help of strangers.  

Darren Press, Vice President at CamSoda, told me in a phone walkthrough of the app that tongue isn't really necessary. You can operate the app with your finger or on a desktop browser, if tasting your phone doesn't appeal to you.

Image: CamSoda

But I am not one to half-ass on the user experience. I stole into the bathroom of my coworking space, hit that screen with a good wipe-down of hand sanitizer—I don't want to speak to what everyone else is doing with their personal electronics but my phone screen is a biohazard—and took a stall for some privacy.

The web app implores you to "Give her the best orgasm of her life." That's a lot of pressure, but challenge accepted. My phone tastes strongly of Purell, and it's pretty difficult to hold your tongue on a screen and move a touch-sensitive dot around.

Eventually, I gave up on the gimmick and recorded the rest with a finger. Once you're pleased with your oral (or dexterous) masterpiece, you're able to give it a title—current entries include Mushroom Cloud and Volcano NoNo—and add an image. Recordings are offered free of charge through March 31, but downloads will cost $0.99 after April 1.

Personally, I would have taken a stable reproductive healthcare future or equal representation for my gender in the media over a phone covered in my own spit. But the spirit of equality is there, and enthusiasm counts for something.