PETA Unveils .XXX Site, Arouses No One

You know what’s super disappointing? Sitting home alone on a Saturday night, drinking a glass of whiskey and clicking a .xxx link (in hopes of suppressing some of the loneliness and misery you feel because you can’t seem to find _anyone_ who wants to...

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Jun 6 2012, 7:00pm

You know what's super disappointing? Sitting home alone on a Saturday night, drinking a glass of whiskey and clicking a .xxx link (in hopes of suppressing some of the loneliness and misery you feel because you can't seem to find anyone who wants to XXX you back) only to discover that this .xxx link doesn't in fact lead to anything even remotely sexy.

Oh, a quartet of cocks. That’s subtle.

Intending to appeal to your most basic animal desires, PETA has hired porn stars Ron Jeremy, Sasha Grey, and Jenna Jameson to lure you onto a new .xxx site championing the sultry side of the fur-hating (Ron Jeremy notwithstanding) organization. Revealing "hardcore videos" and (anything-but) "sexy photos" fill the site in a vague attempt at paralleling the group’s whole ethical treatment of animals campaign. Ironically enough, while PETA places so much emphasis on nude campaigning, they've actually neglected to find homes for and/or treat the animals they rescue, and have been found to kill 95% of animals in their care.

How is old Ron sexy, a celeb, or even exclusive?

How’s that for sex appeal? And there you have it: PETA.xxx isn’t sexy, or even edgy. It just stands as yet another reminder that there's a lot of shit on the internet these days that really just end up being major buzz kills.

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