Next in Weight-Loss Fads: Gila Monster Spit

It seems that your and my mutual suspicions have been confirmed: lizard spit may actually help you lose weight. A study was recently published highlighting the work from a team at the University of Gothenburg, which tested the saliva of the Gila monster lizard on rats. A synthetic version of lizard saliva has already been used for a while now to treat type two diabetes, but this study found that the key ingredient curbs rats' appetites. While it’s unclear whether those effects will carry over to humans, the lizard drool diet may be coming.

Finally finding an opportunity to capitalize on my lifelong interest in purchasing a Gila monster lizard collection, I caught up with one of the study's primary authors, Dr. Karolina Skibicka to talk about this bizarre new weight loss antidote. According to Dr. Skibicka, exendin-4, the primary compound in Gila monster saliva, was first discovered in the early 90s. Because of the minimal amount of meals that lizards tend to eat, they have incredibly efficient blood glucose regulation, which results in the natural production of exendin-4.

After it was approved for the treatment of type 2 diabetes, researchers started to realize that unlike most diabetes treatments which make you gain weight, patients receiving treatments of exendin-4 were fitting into their old wedding dresses and whatnot. Eventually, scientists realized that the brain's dopamine receptors, which is the part of the brain that triggers craving and addiction, were responsive to the Gila compound. So, since one of the reasons we eat a shit ton of Little Debbies and cool ranch Doritos is because high sugar and fatty foods trigger the release of dopamine, and exendin-4 is crucial in important nutritional processes like glucose regulation, it was hypothesized that exendin-4 could counteract these cravings. The positive results in rats suggest that the hypothesis may be correct. So, yeah, now that it’s mid-riff season, get ready to suck back some Gila drool.

My interest in lizard spit is solely commercial, so I had three primary concerns that could be lumped into three question umbrellas. First of all, if lizard spit has an effect on dopamine, is there potential for a lizard spit-based street drug, and if so, what would the demand be? How do I begin the process of introducing a new street drug onto the market, and in what form should I do so? Since no one really knows what it's all about, and how it ranks compared to other street drugs, do I first give Dixie cup samples? Actually, it sounds like a lot of work to get this off the ground, so let’s just move on.

Second, is it possible that the reason lizard spit decreases appetite has something to do with the fact that one is consuming lizard spit? According to Dr. Skibicka, since farming lizard saliva is inefficient, researchers have actually managed to synthesize exendin-4 so that they don't have to go through the arduous task of extracting it every time someone with diabetes wants this sweet miracle juice. So, the answer to the gross-out question is no. (However knowing that pure, natural lizard juice is a hot commodity does make me re-ask question one.)

Finally, the most important question: if Gila saliva is worth so much, what other animals out there have precious spit? There's probably a good amount of unused money somewhere in the federal budget now that the shuttle program is cancelled, and I think it's a worthwhile pursuit to dig deeper into the saliva market. What's up with lions or gorillas? I guarantee their spit does something. How about peacocks? Talk about magic. I promise, smoke some crystallized peacock spit, and the whole world will bow down to you.

Skibicka, being the ethical scientist that she is, was quick to remind me that the obesity rate in the developed world is more than enough of a reason to use this research for good, rather than using it to prey on vain older women in Beverly Hills — or, in my case, high school junkies. However, if you're a budding capitalist and you want to wrangle some Gila drool for your own purposes, the going rate for Gila monsters is about $800-1,500 right now according to the Internet. Of course, with the added risk of a potential $250,000 fine for possessing one without the proper documentation, I'm probably not going to buy any.

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