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It's Almost 2017, So of Course People Are Smoking Weed With Lasers

If you're yearning for the aesthetic that brought you those rad Lifetouch yearbook photo backgrounds, but also want to get blazed out of your skull because it's legal in a bunch of states now and, why not? Well, you're in luck.

Some marijuana purists prefer to avoid butane methods for igniting their bud. Vapes and hemp create a cleaner-tasting smoke, but what if you're in more of a vaporwave mind? Two days ago, Youtuber "Oregon Marijuana (Jake)" posted a video of himself smoking a bowl using a really big, high-powered laser. That's raised a few questions from us: Are there more like him? Have they all lasered their eyes out by now?

It turns out the answer to that first question at least is a hearty, "jeah brah!" Although it's difficult to pinpoint a specific date or person responsible for pioneering the trend of smoking weed with lasers, high-powered consumer lasers have been on the market since the turn of the millennium, and our internet sleuthing reveals the idea of using them to burn cannabis for the purposes of obtaining its psychoactive effects goes back to at least 2008. Journey down the smoked-out rabbit hole with us for a retrospective into the weird, wild world of weed with lasers.

Jake's not sure what this thing even is. It looks to be a laser pointer similar to this 300w model, selling for around $160. It comes with handy red-tinted glasses, which he has wisely opted to wear. "Tasted super clean," he says, after taking a bong rip that would knock a lesser Jedi into another dimension.

September 2016, a simpler time. BIOHAZRED SEVEN here uses a Class AIII 2000w laser, a straw, and a toothpick with resin on it to to light a bowl, and then the laser itself to light a blunt. And some sick After Effects magic to make his eyes light up. Lasers, bro!

Four years earlier, Canna Occult uses a 532nm 300mw laser to smoke a bowl. The trichomes — the super-fine hairs covering the bud — magnify the laser's brightness, he writes in the comments.

"The way of the future." Enough said.

Oh my god, he lights the joint from several feet away while his buddy holds it in his mouth. No protective eyewear. No fucks to give. Just two guys, a decent-sized living room, and some blunts to roll. This, from the year that some predicted laser vapes would rule the non-combustible world.

Also in 2012, EddieBear2007 used a 100w Spyder 3 Arctic Laser to light a bowl. He only posted one more video after this one. Moving right along!

"Laser pen lights a bowl of marijuana is it organic or radioactive," Justin coffman, creator of this 26-second video of a bowl lighting sort-of-asks, in 2011. Well, Justin, you've probably already figured this out since you haven't turned into a Ninja Turtle yet, but you can't get radiation poisoning from smoking weed with a laser. Although "laser" is an acronym for "Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation," radiation here refers to the emission of a photon, or electromagnetic radiation from the electron shell of an atom. It's not the same as radio waves, microwaves, or the ionizing x-rays, where high doses can cause cancer. You're fine, dude.

In 2008, three short years after YouTube was founded, people started putting it to its intended use: Videos documenting weird shit with questionable safety.

The description here barely enlightens: "brandor lighting the blunt with a super high powered super illegal laser." It's super illegal to aim laser pointers at an aircraft or a peace officer, and for a distributor to sell a laser over five milliWatts as a consumer grade pointer. It's not super illegal to own one, nor to get high using it, unless the weed is what's going to get you busted.

As the year 2017 begins, we feel confident in saying that more blasering will occur and be posted online for posterity. To all those involved, have fun. Enjoy the collision of powerful futuristic technologies and libertarian drug policy (at least for now). And maybe think about wearing eye protection.

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