Quantcast
Image: Surian Soosay

Hysteria

Meg Elison

How to get the most out of your new artificial womb.

Image: Surian Soosay

Press START to begin.

Welcome to your artificial womb experience! Please scroll through INSTRUCTIONS and accept TERMS AND CONDITIONS before operating this device.

Matrixtech Inc. congratulates you on your discerning choice to purchase the UltraLove 925x for your external gestation. This model features complete visual transparency, soothing LED backlighting, compatibility with up to four devices for family updates, and SELF CLEANING MODE.

Getting Started
When your family group has chosen an optimal time frame for your offspring to emerge, please input the desired emergence date and time on the UltraLove 925x touchpad. The unit will calibrate for a few seconds. Then, input preferred characteristics. Please note: Matrixtech Inc. does not guarantee gender outcome or exact specified choices.

When the two genetic donors have agreed on the fetus they wish to create, it's time to provide a sample! Take the two UltraLove vessels to the medical professional of your choice. The vessels are digitally identified to ensure privacy and full device compatibility. When the samples have been procured, checked, and prepared, transport them back to the UltraLove 925x. DO NOT allow more than 24 hours to elapse between sample preparation and insertion. This may result in a nonviable attempt.

Conception
Many families make an occasion out of the moment of insertion. Think about what this means to you; perhaps invite your parents or stream the blessed event to an audience of loved ones. Set duration to FULL TERM and the UltraLove 925x will lock and fill. The hard part is over! Now, all you have to do is wait.

Please store your UltraLove 925x in an environment between 10 and 50 degrees for optimal performance. Ensure that the unit has an uninterrupted power supply, and avoid blocking the vents. Do not submerge in water.

Troubleshooting
In the event the UltraLove 925x detects abnormality, you will receive step-by-step instructions on how to proceed. Please consult local laws regarding selective dismissal of any fetal development in progress. Please note: SELF-CLEANING MODE cannot be activated without a blood sample from both genetic donors to confirm while gestation is in progress.

I'm sorry. You must accept TERMS AND CONDITIONS to continue.

Ok!
GENETIC DONOR 1: Rachel Xenia Archuleta
GENETIC DONOR 2: Shawn Michael Burton
GENETIC SAMPLES ACCEPTED.
PHYSICIAN OF RECORD: DR. ADOTI
Thank you for your gametes, RACHEL. Please stand by.
Thank you for your gametes, SHAWN. Please stand by.
Do you wish to proceed with fertilization?
GD1 RACHEL: YES
GD2 SHAWN: YES
Fertilization is now complete. There are seven viable zygotes. Scroll down to choose one.
GD1 RACHEL has selected Zygote B
GD2 SHAWN has selected Zygote F
The UltraLove 925x is not designed for multiple gestations. Please choose a single zygote, or contact Matrixtech Inc. to upgrade to an UltraLove 1200 or a LuxLove II series model artificial womb.
GD1 RACHEL has selected Zygote B
GD2 SHAWN has selected Zygote B
Good news! All other viable zygotes can be stored for up to five years with your subscription to Matrixtech's Fertilife service.
Do you wish to assign a name to Zygote B?
GD1 RACHEL has entered BAILEY
GD2 SHAWN has entered BAILEY
BAILEY is now confirmed for Day 1/280 of gestation.
GD1 RACHEL has enabled push notifications to MY FUCKING PHONE.
GD2 SHAWN has enabled push notifications to MOBILE DEVICE.
Please store your UltraLove 925x out of direct sunlight.
Push notification sent to MY FUCKING PHONE: Congratulations! You have reached day 30/280 of your gestation. Would you like to view a time-lapse of your embryonic progress?
Ok! See you soon.

Push notification sent to MOBILE DEVICE: Congratulations! You have reached day 30/280 of your gestation. Would you like to view a time-lapse of your embryonic progress?
Push play when ready.
Wow! Did you see BAILEY's spinal cord? Great job, parent!
Push notification sent to MY FUCKING PHONE: Congratulations! You have reached day 62/280 of your gestation. Would you like to view a time-lapse of your embryonic progress?
Blood sample received. Do you wish to activate SELF-CLEANING MODE?
Ok! Is GD2 SHAWN present to provide a blood sample?
I'm sorry. SELF-CLEANING mode cannot be activated without a blood sample from both genetic donors to confirm while gestation is in progress.
Do you wish to send GD2 SHAWN a push notification to ask him to provide a sample?
Ok! See you soon.
Push notification sent to MOBILE DEVICE: Congratulations! You have reached day 62/280 of your gestation. Would you like to view a time-lapse of your embryonic progress?
Push play when ready.
Did you see BAILEY's eyes?
Ok, I can show you again.
Push play when ready.
Ok, I can show you again.
Push play when ready.
Ok, I can show you again.
Push play when ready.
Ok! See you soon.

Push notification sent to MY FUCKING PHONE: Congratulations! You have reached day 140/280 of your gestation. You are halfway there! Would you like to view a genetic analysis of what BAILEY will look like?
Ok!
Would you like to share video or images with your address book?
Ok!
Disable all notifications to MY FUCKING PHONE?
Ok!

Push notification sent to MOBILE DEVICE: Congratulations! You have reached day 140/280 of your gestation. You are halfway there! Would you like to view a genetic analysis of what BAILEY will look like?
Scroll to continue.
Would you like to share video or images with your address book?
You have selected MOM, DAD, RICHIE, ANDREA, JOSH, DAN, JORGE, RENEE, KAREN, MARIA, MITCH, SANG, NICOLETA, BRANDON, TRACY, JOAN, BIBI, CYNTHIA, FEDERICO, AUNT EUGENIA.
Send all?
Ok!
BAILEY has received a 529 college contribution from MOM.
BAILEY has received a 529 college contribution from AUNT EUGENIA.
BAILEY has received a 529 college contribution from BIBI.
Disable 529 notifications?
Ok!

TOUCH SCREEN INPUT ENABLED. Hello, GD1 RACHEL!
GESTATION UPDATE: BAILEY is at day 200/280. Emergence is trending on-schedule. Current weight: 1.15 KG. Current length: 38.1 CM. Hair: Red. Eyes: Brown.
I'm sorry. SELF-CLEANING mode cannot be activated without a blood sample from both genetic donors to confirm while gestation is in progress.
Do you wish to send GD2 SHAWN a push notification to ask him to provide a sample?
Ok!
I'm sorry! UltraLove 925x cannot induce emergence until day 270/280.
POWER SUPPLY INTERRUPTED. BATTERY BACKUP ACTIVATED. TIME REMAINING: 100 DAYS.
POWER SUPPLY RESTORED.
Do you wish to resume scrolling BAILEY's GESTATION UPDATE?
Ok!
REAR VENT AREA BLOCKED. PLEASE REMOVE OBSTRUCTION.
WARNING: ULTRALOVE 925X IS OVERHEATING.
PLEASE REMOVE OBSTRUCTION.
PLEASE REMOVE OBSTRUCTION.
PLEASE REMOVE OBSTRUCTION.

TOUCH SCREEN INPUT ENABLED. Hello, GD2 SHAWN!
Vents clear. BAILEY is safe! Would you like to turn on the LED panel to observe BAILEY growing in the UltraLove 925X?
POWER SUPPLY INTERRUPTED. BATTERY BACKUP ACTIVATED. TIME REMAINING: 100 DAYS.
MOVEMENT DETECTED. Please be advised: the UltraLove 925x is not intended for travel use. Contact Matrixtech Inc. to upgrade to a LuxLove II series model artificial womb.

MOVEMENT DETECTED. Please be advised: transporting the UltraLove 925x over state lines while gestation is in progress may incur law enforcement penalties and void your warranty.

UltraLove 925x WARRANTY NOW VOID.

Push notification to MY FUCKING PHONE and MOBILE DEVICE: Your UltraLove 925x containing BAILEY is over 100 KM from the base unit. Please provide blood samples from both genetic donors.

Please provide blood samples from both genetic donors.
Please provide blood samples from both genetic donors.
Please provide blood samples from both genetic donors.

The UltraLove 925x has contacted law enforcement, who are tracking the unit. Please remain calm until help arrives. BAILEY is safe.

Disable all notifications to MY FUCKING PHONE?
Ok!
Disable all notifications to MOBILE DEVICE?
Ok!
TOUCH SCREEN INPUT ACTIVATED
LAW ENFORCEMENT OVERRIDE CODE ACCEPTED.
MATRIXTECH INC OVERRIDE CODE ACCEPTED.
DR. ADOTI OVERRIDE CODE ACCEPTED.

Hello, OFFICER NGUYEN. Do you wish to initiate SELF-CLEANING MODE?

GESTATION UPDATE: BAILEY is at day 275/280. Emergence is trending on-schedule. Current weight: 3.65 KG. Current length: 50.8 CM. Hair: Red. Eyes: Brown.

Ok! You have selected INDUCE EMERGENCE.

Congratulations, OFFICER NGUYEN. Please present BAILEY to DR. ADOTI for immediate assistance.

Thank you for choosing Matrixtech Inc. and the UltraLove 925x for your artificial womb experience.