Plague of Bats Holds Australian Town Hostage with Aerial Shit Blitz

The bucolic, coastal inlet of Batemans Bay is a terminus for tourists seeking to immerse themselves in the raw beauty of the great outdoors. But for the last two months, visitors of the New South Wales town have found themselves steeped in a little too much nature—that is, unable to go outside without promptly being covered in bat shit.

At times, more than 140,000 gray-headed flying foxes have descended upon Batemans Bay since April, causing the New South Wales government to issue a "state of emergency" necessitating $2.5 million in relocation funding (for bats, not people). According to The Guardian, that's 12 bats, plus their guano, for each of the 11,000 local residents.

The scene at Batemans Bay is undeniably apocalyptic. Mothers are terrified for their children, the smell is overwhelming, and many residents refuse to leave their houses from fear of being pelted with poo.

"I can't open my window at all because the smell is so bad," resident Danielle Smith, who admitted the invasion has her considering going back on antidepressants, told The Guardian. "We can actually taste it—that's how strong it is."

The visiting bats have also caused massive power outages, allegedly burned the paint off cars with their acidic feces, and forced tourist numbers and property values down, according to Australia's Seven News.

But the real crap-covered fly in the ointment here is the fact that flying foxes are a species vulnerable to extinction, according to the International Union for Conservation of Nature. Legally, the bats are protected under the New South Wales Threatened Species Conservation Act, which makes the issue of controlling them a touchy one.

Flying foxes pose a small risk to humans as carriers of lyssavirus, and other gastrointestinal and lung diseases. However, it's likely their unprecedented urbanization is the fault of human development and habitat destruction. A loss of native habitat has significantly disrupted the species's roosting and foraging range, which has consequently driven the bat to seek out alternative food sources, such as Batemans Bay's local spotted gum and bloodwood trees.

Currently, Batemans Bay officials are experimenting with noise and smoke deterrents they hope will encourage the flying foxes to move to less urban areas.

Gray-headed flying foxes are Australia's largest bat, weighing up to 2.2 pounds and boasting a wingspan of more than three feet. The name "flying fox" is a literal misnomer, and was given to the megabat due to its canine facial features.

As far as their actual business end goes, flying foxes are capable of defecating while airborne, an activity the Fraser Coast Regional Council delightfully describes as "splattering objects beneath their flight path with excrement or guano."

Whether people like it or not, these mammals and their guano play an important role in Australia's native forest ecosystems. Flying fox poop is chock full of plant seeds which the animal unceremoniously scatters during its nocturnal feeding activities. And because many rainforest trees will only take root if dispersed away from their parent plant, flying foxes are vital to the health of these environments.

"It's just not pleasant," resident Kim Swadling said to The Guardian. "I do a lot of running and by 5:30 you're covered in whatever it is, pee or whatever. It's disgusting. I haven't been pooed on yet but you certainly get a sprinkle of something on you. It's the stench more than anything, and they poo on everything."