Tinder Online Opens New Ring of Hell for Your Workday

Great!

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Mar 28 2017, 7:19pm

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On Tuesday, Tinder announced that it's launching a desktop version of the dating app, which people will definitely use at work. Tindering at work is amazing news if you enjoy the crushing emotional bleakness of late capitalism.

Look, using dating apps is a terrible way to waste your time. They're incredibly addictive, and they combine two things to turn them into the emotional black hole we hate to love: the ambling non-committance of window shopping, and the constant, low-level buzz of personal validation. It's a treadmill.

It's supposed to be fun, I guess, but it's not. It's gray. These apps exist to convince you to spend as much time on them as possible, and there's no joy in that. They cordon off desire into an anodyne little package, operationalizing it for the working world. No longer is the world full of romantic possibility, which preoccupies the mind with daydreams—it's all emptied out and siphoned off into the easy, instant, and profoundly flat confines of Tinder, or OKCupid, or Bumble, or whatever. It enhances focus. I've even heard folks say that they use these apps partly because they're too busy with work to actually get out there.

Read More: The Internet Is Smoothing Sex Into Oblivion

Now, you'll finally be able to subject yourself to all this during your precious few mental breaks at work. "For all those who've ever been stuck in a lecture hall or had to endure an eight-hour workday without access to Tinder—this is for you," a company blog announcing the launch states.

Perfect! Instead of looking up useless crap on Wikipedia or watching weird YouTube videos—all of which are perfectly fine uses of your own time—you can now spend your extra minutes forging your sense of desire into the ideal shape for fitting into today's work landscape. You can flip through hundreds of faces until they all look the same, see the same lame joke dozens of times, and then log off until the next time you need to let off steam. It's very efficient!

Tinder for desktop is launching first in Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, Indonesia, Italy, Mexico, the Philippines, and Sweden. The company hasn't stated whether it'll be coming to the US or Canada soon.

Lo, the dick pics cometh.

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