Topiary Is Free: The Lulziest Tweets of Anonymous's Hacker-Comedian

Back in 2011, when Anonymous splinter group LulzSec was blasting its Lulz Cannon all over the Internet, one of their number became the mouthpiece on Twitter and, presumably, their Pastebin communiques. That spokesman was Topiary, whose real name is Jake Davis, self-described "simple prankster turned swank garden hedge." All of 18-years old at the time and living in the Shetland Islands, Scotland, Davis had the wit and verve of a seasoned comedian, with the occasional surreal stream of consciousness of William S. Burroughs. One by one, however, LulzSec's numbers thinned, until it became publicly known that reputed leader Sabu (Hector Xavier Monsegur) had turned stool pigeon, helping the FBI and foreign law enforcement officials bring down various LulzSec members. Davis was one of them.

Yesterday, Davis was released from prison after serving 37 days of a two-year sentence at the Feltham Young Offenders Institute. The 21 months spent monitored by an electronic tag were taken into consideration in his release.

The 20-year old Davis is once again allowed to use computers and the internet, but is restricted from contacting any members of Anonymous. And, according to BBC News, Davis is "forbidden from creating encrypted files, securely wiping any data or deleting his internet history." This, however, didn't stop Davis from pledging his support to NSA leaker Edward Snowden—so the man hasn't beaten all the rebel out of him.

That Davis' days of lulz are over is something of a shame. While there was certainly a political bent to his hacktivism, Davis seemed to have also delighted in the pranskterism of the whole LulzSec enterprise. His humorous moments were many, and a constant source of entertainment to observers in the halcyon days of Anonymous, circa 2011.

And though Davis wasn't a prolific hacker like Jeremy Hammond (Anarchaos), how could we forget the time he hacked the Westboro Baptist Church webpage with an Anonymous message during an on-air debate with church member Shirley Phelps-Roper? (Peruse a complete timeline of LulzSec's hacks and DDoS attacks over at The Washington Post.)

With that in mind, I've selected some of Topiary's funniest tweets. This should hold fans and supporters over until Davis publishes his prison diary and, as promised, writes a film about the internet.

You can't silence the Illuminati lizards that inject into the human psyche via the funfunfun override exploit to gain root access to humans.

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) June 14, 2011

Tango down - http://t.co/sMaDfzi - we called them and they wouldn't tell us how magnets worked.

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) June 15, 2011

@briantvoh There's a dildo in my dick right now. I call it a double-dick backflip secret-handshake heaven-piercing brick throw.

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) June 16, 2011

Justin Bieber is wasting his time tweeting all that nonsense. He could be directing a mass botnet of little girls.

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) July 20, 2011

Twitter is over capacity but The Lulz Boat will poetically sail around that blasted whale. Harpoons, gentlemen? #CrackYourOars

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) May 10, 2011

Mankind should tremble as the SSH key to your neuron load balancers are used as a pathway to the chemical exhilaration of entertainment.

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) June 14, 2011

You guys don't realize, but that's actually LulzSec in that car. I'm tweeting from the back seat. We slowed down to check out some tits.

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) July 17, 2011

At press: we appreciate you following our shenanigans, but we don't do interviews. All exploits come from cannonballs, all motives are lulz.

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) May 12, 2011

We have the legendary @AaronBarr following us… we hear he had a great time with #Anonymous, so great in fact that he quit his job. #ouch

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) May 12, 2011

Okay, we're now following @AaronBarr - he is our leader. He stole those Fox databases, he compromised over 3000 ATM machines. Wait… shit.

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) May 12, 2011

We're starting to think that all trolls and social engineering attempts in existence are just @AaronBarr on different accounts. Seems legit.

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) May 12, 2011

I bet you guys would like to see the FBI slapped around a bit - it's being planned.

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) May 13, 2011

Dudes. Of course Tupac is alive. Didn't you see that official @PBS article? Why would they lie to their 750,000+ followers?

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) May 30, 2011

Thank you to the mystery benefactor who sent us 0.02 BitCoins. Your kindness will be used to fund terror of the highest quality.

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) May 31, 2011

In response to http://t.co/kfkxvUZ If we're terrorists, then you're a jackass for reusing your password everywhere for 9 years.

— The Lulz Boat (@LulzSec) June 24, 2011

Connections:

Sabu and the FBI Tricked Me

The Self-Proclaimed LulzSec Leader Was Arrested in Australia

Dear LulzSec, I Hope You Never Stop Hacking