Date and Dump YouTube Personalities in This New Romantic Visual Novel

Call me back when I can cuddle that hydraulic press.

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Apr 23 2016, 7:00pm

Image: Asagao Academy.

You are Hana Mizuno, a pink-haired, third-year student ready to make a new life for herself, transferring from a public school to the private Asagao Academy. Your energetic roommate, Mai, wants to make sure you know the ropes: at Asagao Academy, appearances are everything, people seem to blush constantly, and the most desirable boys in school are directly based off men who talk about video games on YouTube. And they aaaaaaaall have a crush on you, Hana Mizuno.

Kickstarted in 2014, Asagao Academy is a free visual novel starring personalities from the Normal Boots network, best known for DidYouKnowGaming, an ongoing history and trivia series, and JonTron, that guy with the bird who makes noises. Visual novels, an extremely popular game genre in Japan, typically revolve around young romance and teenage drama. When they cross over into English markets it typically means they're the cream of the crop, they're especially horny, or especially bizarre, or just made in English in the first place. I Guess Asagao Academy fits into those last two categories.

With 43 different endings, Asagao Academy has you weaving through love tetrahedrons, carefully pacing through school as the socially dominant Normal Boots club court you, with cameos from a few other gaming personalities. But I say, why stop there? YouTube has so many desirable bachelors who I wouldn't mind flirting with. Imagine going to prom with that pumpkinhead dude who dances? Imagine cuddling with a hydraulic press? Imagine seeing a pink-haired anime girl in love's caress with that delightful old British man showing off his novelty toy collection? I don't think I'm going to stop imagining a pink-haired anime girl in love's caress with that delightful old British man showing off his novelty toy collection. I don't think I'm going to stop imagining the world we deserve.