In the aisles of a Wal-Mart, I don’t know what wrinkles my nose more, the little 8-year-old kid with the little wheels in his shoes, whizzing past me, or the parents that bought the damn things. Probably, they had little choice, upon sightings of the first kid who whizzed by – yeah I used to beg for shit, I know how it works. But are these wheelie kids learning better balance skills, or just turning human flesh into some disfigured goober?Chasing these thoughts, I remember Wall-E, the animated film for 8-year-olds (with laughs for the whole family), where the humans all move about their no-gravity space city, looking like Michelin Men who just came from a honey tasting at Winnie the Pooh’s. And they didn’t walk, they’re all riding around in hovering lazy-boys.In an attempt to out-geek the Segway, Honda has found a new way for Microsoft employees to relay their floppy disks across campus. UNI-CUB is Honda’s motorized, self-stabilizing unicycle with a training wheel. The training wheel has perpendicular alignment to the main wheel, helping to turn and balance the rider with basic to no learning curve. You can either shake your ass around UNI-CUB’s seat to steer and control speed, or download a smartphone app to operate. Maybe Honda will implement a social tool to find other UNI-CUBs, with feeds: meet me at the vending machine? Honda ante’s UNI-CUB as, “for individuals, for society,” appearing to think it has found the not-annoying way of incorporating wheeled traffic onto pedestrian sidewalks, indoor sky-bridges and corporate forays (basically all those places where skating is a crime).I’m certain Tokyoites and New Yorkers walk and stop more freely and with nuance than this shit can negotiate without causing injury and sidewalk rage. Perhaps I’m impatient and unfaithful, but it just irks me to be clipped by rollerbladers and skaters, bicyclists, or any moron on a Segway that thinks it’s ok to cruise down a populated sidewalk.Honda aims to get their ass-dragger on showroom floors by spring, 2013. With its predecessor, the U3-X prototype marked somewhere between $1,500 and $2,000, I would hope that UNI-CUB — which craps out after 3.7 miles at a top speed of 3.7 mph — won’t carry a much heftier tag. Segways are over $9,000, but suitably so, UNI-CUB is just weak in comparison… (imagining the race). Sure, Segways make you look like a rich asshole. UNI-CUBs just make you look like you’re too busy with your Krispy Kremes; but don’t get carried away, you’ll have to hop off once you’ve surpassed the gadget’s 220-pound weight limit.Should able-bodied people really be buying wheelchairs? This has to be one of Honda’s better prospects for the highdeas blog.
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