An old friend came to visit me a few weeks ago. We hung out in Manhattan, got dinner, just the usual touristy hangs. When we returned to my house, I did the whole, "let's watch a movie… on my laptop… in my room," move. You might not think it, but I've got a few tricks up my sleeve. Unfortunately, I've known this kid since I was nineteen, so he has seen them all over the years.Anyway, he puts on Robocop, and one hundred and two minutes later, we were still watching Robocop. Do you understand what I am saying? Once the bad robot lit up that dude in the opening scene, I had no desire to get down with guy I've dated on and off for the duration of my twenties. I was too hypnotized by the epic tale of a policeman who becomes a cyborg.In my defense, I had never seen this movie — excuse me, film — before. And in the following days and weeks, all I wanted to talk about was Robocop. Apparently, every human in the entire world had already seen it but me, because when you tell someone you have just watched Robocop in 2012, they think you're making a joke.I felt alienated and alone. All I wanted to do was discuss how awful Red from That 70's Show was, or the sadness I felt when Murph went to his old house, but nobody cared. Then, I saw an article about South Korea using robots as correctional guards, and I saw a chance to put Robocop back in the spotlight.South Korea has an intense love for robots. They use robots at the DMZ and in schools to teach English. The government is planning on putting a robot in every home by 2020, and is working overtime with thousands of scientists to achieve this goal. In the meantime, they are testing out three robotic guards at correctional facilities in the city of Pohang.South Korea's Robocops are five feet tall, and while the first models looked like an amicable yellow and white version of Alphie, with a shy little smile on their cute robot face, the actual robots are way more intimidating. These black and white robo-guards roll around the prison hallway on rubber wheels, looking out for any signs of trouble. When shit hits the fan, they use 3-D cameras and fancy microphones to alert the human prison guards who are presumably kicking it in the control room.Humans can control the robots with an iPad, and communicate with prisoners through the robot. Robo-guards aren't armed, and do not have any actual physical contact with prisoners, although if this test run goes well, they will be programed to do body searches and one hopes, to moonwalk.While they cost nearly $900,000 a piece, these real-life robo prison cops could be a massive help to our broken prison system. To be clear, I love humans, but I do think robots should take all of our jobs. I would be more than happy to hand over my apron and tray to a “Robo-Waitress” and let her deal with drunk assholes all night. Then we can just cool it and hang out all the time. What's the issue?Sure, a lot of people seem to be freaking out about the fact that robots could ruin the economy or "take over," but I am more concerned with thinking about things like Officer Murphy's painful memories of his past life and how capitalism nearly destroyed Old Detroit. It's like, let's get our priorities straight. Someday we won't need prison guards or even friends. We'll have robots and great works of art like Robocop to keep us happy.
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