We're Liveblogging the New 'X-Files'

We want to believe this will be awesome.

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Jan 25 2016, 2:00am

Image: FOX

So, here we go again: after fourteen years of dormancy, The X-Files is back for a tenth half-season.

The intervening years have seen some interesting developments for the careers of David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson. Anderson's had somewhat of a comeback lately, with excellent turns in The Fall and Hannibal. Duchovny starred in Californication, a show that went on for way too long, and was excruciating to watch (I tried).

My qualifications for liveblogging the premiere of this series revival are decent, but full disclosure: I stopped watching the show after season 5, because it started to suck. The government conspiracy Mulder and Scully spent their time chasing got too confusing, convoluted and frankly just full of massive plotholes for me to deal with. Then the agents got replaced by two newcomers (Robert Patrick and Annabeth Gish), and it just wasn't the same. (Imagine 30 Rock with Angie Harmon and Chevy Chase instead of Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin.)

All the same, to prepare for this, I just watched the series finale from 2002. I am primed and ready.

WHOO HERE WE GO. OBVIOUSLY: SPOILERS AHEAD.

Thank god they've returned to the original credits. Part of what I love about this show is how dated it felt even in the 90s. (My boyfriend is now yelling at me for saying that it felt dated.)

I'm so used to watching this show on Netflix that these commercials are like a rude slap in the face.

Wait, Joel McHale is in this!?

So what else would the new installment start with other than a UFO crash in New Mexico.

Mulder using the Internet to watch clips of Obama on Jimmy Kimmel...welcome to the New Age. I'd still gladly lose myself in Scully's eyes, though.

Ooh, and an Uber reference. So ~modern~.

My boyfriend: "Is Joel McHale playing Alex Jones?" A good question.

So it already came out that Mulder and Scully are estranged from each other in these new episodes, and I gotta say I'm glad. The consummation of their relationship always felt a little bit like jumping the shark to me. Hopefully the sexual tension remains, though!

I dunno, that CGI alien looked corny as hell. I think it would've been better if it had been offscreen the whole time. Also, I don't remember this new abduction chick at all. Did they just make her up?

Commercial-based aside: this thing where networks are doing live versions of classic musicals is such a cheap ratings grab. Also, fun fact: these commercials with Rashida Jones? That's her real mom, Peggy Lipton, who was Norma on Twin Peaks. Another show awaiting rebirth.

One thing that drives me crazy is how skeptical Scully still is. Like, woman! You saw a goddamn alien fetus at the end of SEASON ONE. And then you were still like "I dunno…"

How does Joel McHale's character have this much juice to show Mulder all this shit? He's like, an online talk show host. He's like tinfoil hat Marc Maron.

It's so rude to show us that dead alien's butt, not once but twice. Have some respect for the dead.

Whoa...tinfoil hat Marc Maron wants to jump Scully's bones. And now Mulder is showing up on abductee hottie's doorstep. Fourteen years later, one thing is the same: everyone is horny.

Ooh boy. "What if everything we've been led to believe is a lie"? Haven't we been here before? Also Scully is drinking champagne with McHale now. Oh my. Time for another beer.

I want this to be awesome, you guys, but so far I'm kind of bored. But early reviews said it gets better as it goes on into episodes 2 and 3, so I'm not giving up hope yet.

Lol Twitter account @SwiftonSecurity noticed that Mulder keeps tape on his webcam, which is the sort of thing I should have noticed. Fuck. (I, too, keep tape on my webcam.)

This dude knows what I'm talking about: https://twitter.com/Mobute/status/6914693412090101...

Skinner's fuzzy white beard is adorable. He also hasn't aged much at all.

Whoa, commentary on the NSA and gun control. Honestly, I want more contextualization in the post-9/11 world. That's sort of what I was most excited about.

Who the fuck is this old guy? Vermin Supreme?

BF: "I thought we already knew all of this." Yes. Yes. This is why the series got so frustrating originally...it felt like the plot and dialogue were going in circles all the time.

I don't trust Tad O'Malley (Joel McHale). I'm putting ten bucks on him being an alien-human hybrid plant.

Wow they're hitting George W. Bush pretty hard here. Timely. Also, I reject this InfoWars injection into X-FIles mythology!

Man, fuck the government. That scientist guy was cool. That invisible ship was awesome! Jackbooted thugs.

Why is Scully always covered in blood in this episode?

Man, a lot of people are getting blown up. SPEAKING OF WHICH, wasn't the Cigarette-Smoking Man blown up at the end of Season 9? BUT THERE HE IS. And Skinner reopened the X-Files. Awesome.

Okay, so, final verdict: the first episode was underwhelming, but the ending reveal with the Cigarette-Smoking Man was pretty baller, and I'll keep watching in the hopes that it picks up. Maybe this episode was just weak because there was so much they needed to establish/re-establish. We'll see!

Thanks for watching with me. The truth is out there.