Here Is a Four-Story Mulcher Pulverizing a Pine Tree In Four Seconds

And other feats of nightmarish, machinized land-clearing strength.

If there is a Hell, I'm pretty sure this mobile wood chipper is its machinized overlord par excellence. Roaming the charred, near-dead countryside, it reduces every last arboreal stand to saw dust in mere seconds. Roving packs of cinder-block chucking Big Dogs and rolling, transforming droids bring up the rear, picking up scraps.

Welcome to the nightmare that is this land-clearing highlight reel. The video itself is a few years old, but after it resurfaced over the weekend I think it's safe to say the sort of forestry mulching rigs featured here will tower over the annals of destruction unlike other gadgets-that-destroy-things for as long as there are trees to munch, and land to clear. Which is to say, not for long (?).

Anyway, just look at this thing go. Jesus Christ. Four-story pine trees? Pesky stumps? No problem.

Granted, I imagine this sort of machinery is quite useful for wiping away dead and/or invasive overgrowth that would do far more harm than good if left to hang out or suffocate any and all surrounding life. But goddamn if it isn't something out of my deepest nightmares, gnashing its way, top to bottom through the layers of my subconscious. 

In the words of Motherboard's fearless video editor Chris O'Coin: "Enjoy your Independence Day. I can hear the machines grinding the beauty of the Earth away in the background of every backyard BBQ."

Happy Monday.