Crash the Lego Bugatti

Clearly, the only sensible thing to do with a life-sized car made of Lego is to smash it into a million little pieces.

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Aug 30 2018, 3:30pm

Images: Shutterstock, YouTube. Composition: Author

You’ve probably already seen it: Lego made a full-sized and fully drivable replica of the Bugatti Chiron, a luxury car with a multi-million dollar price tag. It’s made up of over one million Lego Technic pieces—even the engine is made out of Lego—plus a steel frame and some other non-Lego odd and ends, and took thousands of hours to build.

It’s an impressive feat of engineering, it’s setting the internet on fire, and dear lord all I want is for it to crash.

Let me explain: There I was, enjoying the wholesome sight of a car made completely of Lego, when I saw a tweet from AI researcher Mark Reidl that said, “I really want to see this car crash in slow motion.”

Now, the idea of this life-sized car made of a million tiny pieces crashing into a wall, splintering completely, rippled and warped by physics I’m too dumb to comprehend, is sincerely all I can think about. I can’t even accurately describe how viscerally satisfying this visual would be; all I can ask is that you close your eyes and imagine it.

The more that I think about it, I’m mad that this car was not crashed immediately after being built. The fact that this thing is just trundling around intact is an affront to the notion of human pleasure. This Lego car is deferred enjoyment embodied, and that I haven’t already watched it explode into an uncountable number of tiny pieces should be a crime. In a way it mirrors the experience of non-Lego luxury cars, which have an aura of enjoyment but often end up stashed in a climate-controlled garage most of the year.

Lego, if you’re reading this, crash the Bugatti. Given that it only goes about 18 miles per hour, you might have to figure out how (that shouldn’t be a problem, considering you built a working car out of Lego), but please: do it in the name of gratification, of being alive, of not bottling up human effort into the mausoleum of a luxury object. Do it for how freaking sick it would be.

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