Your Kids Will Forget They're Wearing Microchip ID Tags With These Hot New Accessories

So a bunch of kids are whining about having to wear radio frequency identification tags at high school. And their parents are all, oh, 'civil liberties are being violated', blah blah blah, 'religious freedoms' something 'Orwellian surveillance'. Things...

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Oct 11 2012, 6:40pm

So a bunch of kids are whining about having to wear radio frequency identification tags at high school. And their parents are all, oh, ‘civil liberties are being violated’, blah blah blah, ‘religious freedoms’ something ‘Orwellian surveillance’. Things really heated up when this San Antonio high school told its students they couldn’t vote for a prom king if they didn’t have their obligatory microchip identification tags on.

Here, a girl complains that wearing a barcode is like the ‘mark of the beast’ and conflicts with her religious beliefs. But here’s what’s really going on: these kids are just bitching because those tags are so lame-looking. ID cards are for boring businessmen and dumb yuppies and government stiffs, and they’re totally suck. What teenage girl wants to wear some stupid library card around their neck all the time?

But I’m a problem-solver. So, I’m going to offer the good people of San Antonio a solution — you just gotta let those kids get surveilled in style.

Here, for instance, is the waterproof Mifare RFID wristband. It’s waterproof!

Remember how hip slap bracelets were like fifteen years ago — this’ll be like the second coming of tradable, casual arm wear, just with a splash of privacy invasion to boot. Cool.

They come in lots of colors to please your kids:

And then there’s this one, a pink RFID designer bracelet that’s like totes adorbs:

Slap that baby on her wrist, and Jenny will forget all about the fact that her every move is being observed by school administrators. Or, if she’s more into avant-jewelry — and hey, this one works for girls or guys — there’s this ubercool C4 RFID necklace:

Pretty bomb; slick enough to get even those testy hipsters to surrender their personal freedoms. But let’s be sure to get something extra sexy for the popular girls, those cheerleaders who really have to set the fashion trends. For them, we’ll do something extra special:

Isn’t it gorgeous? Cheerleader Haley will be the envy of the entire campus with her gorgeous RFID spider necklace. As an added bonus, her precise movements will be detectable from space.

See? Problem solved. The fashion-RFID-ward kids of 2012 won’t be bothered discussing boring crap like ‘civil liberties’ when they’re busy tradin’, wearin’, and scopin’ each other’s hot new RFID duds.

And yes, all of the products depicted above are actual RFID outfitted fashion accessories.