How to Change Your Car's Oil

Being an adult is hard. And in our vast techno-digital landscape, there are millions of screaming voices, but too few voices to tell us what we need to know to be proper, respectable grown-ups. To help weed through the noise, Motherboard has partnered with the smart minds at the Stuff You Should Know blog to bring you a weekly column about real life.

There is a certain amount of grease to be found beneath the fingernails of any grown-up worth his or her salt. To be sure, it is invisible to the analysis of any naked eye on most days, kept mostly at bay by quality yet affordable buff-free professional manicures. But it is there nonetheless, and its presence indicates that the bearer of those fingernails is in possession of one of the more important pieces of knowledge a properly adjusted adult can have: Knowing how to change the oil in one’s car.

Sure, oil changes aren’t too terribly expensive—as little as 20 to 30 bucks depending on the type of car you own, your gender, and the day of the week. And the car companies have changed that whole 3,000 miles between oil changes rule of thumb. But the reason why any adult should know how to change the oil in his or her own car is more existential than cost.

When you take your car to one of those oil change places that advertise by way of colored plastic flags and giant spastic dancing tubes of air, it is an act of thoughtlessness. You are removing yourself from one of your more important and trusted possessions, your car, on which you depend as much as your phone or your laptop. Your car is one possession where a certain amount of anxiety should attend handing it over to someone else to care for its well-being.

One should be selective when handing over the keys to one’s car. When you take the responsibility for changing your oil from the hands of Joe—who does 24 of these a day, six days a week, and honestly couldn’t give a damn about your engine life—to yours, you're making sure someone who has a vested interest in quality maintenance is taking care of your car.

Changing the oil at home is one of those jobs where a little up-front investment really saves you some money—which can, in an elegant circle, pay for manicures to remove the grease that will build up beneath your fingernails. You’ll want to go to the auto parts store and get some supplies, some of which you’ll be using for oil changes for years to come.

Among those is an oil pan, one that comes with plastic screw caps to plug its holes once it’s full of oil. (This comes in handy for taking the oil to be disposed of, a service you should feel totally fine about relying on another person to perform for you). You’ll also need an oil filter wrench. This tool pretty much amounts to a metal band with a handle. The sum of these parts produces torque for you to wrench free the old oil filter on your car. And if you don’t have a ratchet set, we would advise you to purchase one now. You will need it to remove the drain plug from the oil reservoir beneath your car. A good ratchet set comes in handy in all manner of instances, and so we would recommend shelling out for a mid-size set made by a name you recognize that offers a generous return and exchange policy.

At this point, you will want to set your purchases at the counter and inform the cashier you will be right back; you’ll need to go lie down under your car. If you can easily crawl beneath your car and move your arms freely, you should be good to go. (Be sure to keep a close eye out for broken glass and syringes, since it’s a parking lot.) If not, you will need to purchase a couple more long-lasting tools for the job: either a good jack and a pair of jack stands or a set of car ramps and blocks for the back tires. Both of these supplies are used to raise your car off the ground so you can successfully negotiate getting beneath it. Since you will be placing yourself under your four thousand pound car, you will want to spring for the good jack stands or ramps.

While you’re outside, open your glove box and check the owner’s manual for your car to find how much and what type of oil you will need to purchase. Engines are designed to perform best using oils of varying viscosity, and that’s what the different names of oils denote. You'll also want to see if it requires synthetic oils or the regular old mineral type. (If you want to learn more about motor oil, here's an exhaustive guide, but going with what the car's manual says is probably best.)

Armed with the new knowledge of your engine’s oil capacity and viscosity preference, as well as whether you can fit beneath your car, you can go back inside and finish your purchases. You’ll want to buy the oil and also the correct filter for your car (you may also need a drain plug washer). Next time, all you'll need to buy is just the oil and the filter (and maybe the washer).

Back home, park your car on a flat surface. If you're using a jack and stands, first put on the parking brakes and safely raise it. If you're using ramps, drive up onto them (a friend helps) and then put on the parking brakes, and place the blocks beneath the back tires to prevent against you becoming squished. Your engine should be warm so the oil flows, but not hot because there is something like a 103-percent chance it will come in contact with your bare skin. Oil finds a way.

Under the hood, remove the oil cap; this airflow at the top helps the oil to flow more quickly from the plug in the bottom. Place the drain pan beneath the oil plug under your car and offset it by a couple of inches to account for the angle of flow of the draining oil. You might have to remove the aerodynamic covering beneath your car to get to it, but it’s time to remove the drain plug (it’s usually jutting from the side of the oil pan under your car) using your nice new ratchet set.  You’ll want to get out of the way once the plug is out, as this is one of the two places you are likeliest to be drenched with oil.

As the oil pours under the car, wipe off the drain plug and check to see if it needs a rubber washer. It probably won’t, as a lot of cars come with drain plugs that have built-in washers attached. If it does need a new washer, make sure the old one isn’t still attached anywhere, as putting washer onto washer can be trouble for your later. Once the old oil is through draining, reinstall the plug and make sure to tighten it well.

Now it’s time to remove the old filter. It may be near your drain plug, or else you may have to move the drain pan. (It may also be above you beneath the hood, in which case follow the owner’s manual for replacing it). Either way, make sure the drain pan is beneath the filter, as more oil will emerge from your car’s belly when you take the filter off. Use your filter wrench to loosen the old filter, and then use your hand to slowly unscrew it the rest of the way.

Again, move. Once the old oil is through draining from the filter seat, wipe the seat clean with a rag, and make sure the old filter’s rubber washer isn’t still attached. Once everything’s nice and tidy, rub a little of the fresh oil you bought on the rubber gasket of the new filter. Put it back in its seat, and screw it in by hand. It shouldn’t take much, usually ¾ of a turn. You won’t need to use your filter wrench to get the new filter on, only to get old ones off.

Leave your pan under there and your car raised. Put the new oil in your car’s oil reservoir, and check beneath to make sure no oil is leaking. Looking good? Then remove your oil pan and screw its lids on tight so it doesn’t get all over your sweet car’s interior when you take it back to the auto parts store for disposal. Turn your car on, make sure you have nominal oil pressure, and let the oil heat up a bit. Shut off the car, then check it with your dipstick to make sure you don’t need to add any more. Be sure to put the reservoir cap back on, and you’re good to go.