This Script Helpfully Directs You to the Fattest Cat Up for Adoption

In San Francisco for now—but soon, the world. We hope.

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Mar 2 2017, 5:55pm

Some fat cats are bad, but other fat cats are good. Phat cats, if you will. But do you want to find fat cats near you? Yes? Well, there's a script for that (at least if you're in the San Francisco area).

Selfless GitHub contributor Lexi Ross has put her script for finding the fattest cat onto the code repository, making it available for all fat-cat finders to download. The script automatically trawls through San Francisco's SPCA cat adoption listings, weighing all of the cats, and bringing you the fattest.

Previously, Motherboard had to comb through cat listings manually. While fun, this was actually an almost criminal waste of time. Now we can find the fattest cat with ease.

"My boyfriend and I are huge cat lovers (in both senses of the word) and always joke about adopting one by going to the local SPCA and telling them, 'BRING ME YOUR FATTEST CAT'," Ross told Motherboard. "I put the script on GitHub because I assumed others had the same taste in cats. Also, there seems to be a large audience for cat-related programming projects on the internet, go figure."

So, without further ado, today's fattest cat is the adorable Mr. Mom, weighing in at 15lbs and 6 ounces.

Image: Ben Sullivan/SPCA

Aw!

Motherboard asked Ross what it is about fat cats that is just so god damn endearing.

"First of all, they're fucking adorable," she replied. "Second, they're hilarious—look into their eyes and you see the pride and independence that all cats have, combined with the look of slight embarrassment that comes from a life indoors, as they realize any instinctual hunting skills they might have had have been replaced by an insatiable desire for cat treats. Finally, belly rubs."

GIF: Lexi Ross

As a majority of Motherboarders are also cat owners, we couldn't help but collectively woo at Mr. Mom, and all of the other precious cats up for adoption at the San Francisco SPCA.

In Ross's own words, "Some cats are born fat, some achieve fatness, others have fatness thrust upon them."

Readers in the Bay Area can contact the organization on 415-522-3500, with adoption details available at sfspca.org.