Literally Get Fucked by a 'Star Citizen' With This Fan-Made Dildo

Now we have a vivid idea of what a Xi’an penis might look like.

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Jan 16 2019, 4:47pm

In Star Citizen, a yet-to-be released, ambitious multiplayer space simulation game developed by Cloud Imperium Games, there exists a race of reptile-like people called the Xi’an. They’re a sentient, ancient species of bi-pedals, according to the game’s Wiki; a calculating, reserved, polite civilization. They look kind of like the Michael Bay version of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

And thanks to one fan, we now have a detailed, non-canonical representation of their dicks.

Redditor u/StarDildos fabricated a sex toy in the shape of what he imagines a Xi’an penis looks like—a greenish, ridged member that’s hollow at the tip. It’s reminiscent of an ovipositor—a sex toy that deposit jelly eggs into your orifice of choice.

“It’s not the most comfortable thing in the world but it has the aesthetic that I was going for and is just over 6" long,” StarDildo wrote in the original post.

StarDildos told me in a Reddit direct message that he was scrolling through his Star Citizen account’s comm-link (an in-game feed for updates and new features) when he noticed the introduction of the Xi’an civilization, accompanied with some concept art of the characters. “I had made my mind up at that [point], being a fan of Star Citizen it became a bit of a no brainer… It had begun. A Star Citizen Xi’an dildo was what I was going to make.”

StarDildos said that for inspiration, he searched the internet for images of turtle penises and other concept art from the game to try to make the Xi’an peen as realistic and accurate as possible. Turtle penises, for comparison, are freaky as hell.

“I don't often create game based sex toys, however, I am quite a creative person and have a tendency to let my imagination run wild with ideas for things,” StarDildos told me in a Reddit message. “In terms of sex toys, I have always had a strange fascination with them, but for the most part I personally find that low to mid-range sex toys get boring quickly.”

The monotony of commercially-available dildos, combined with high prices, inspired StarDildos to make their own. He decided that he could make almost anything they imagined, at home—for a lot less than buying a custom or niche-interest dildo online, which can range from $50 to over $100.

“The initial results were very poor and some looked like deformed slugs,” he said. “After several attempts I finally had success, something that looked similar to what I had in my mind.”

At this point the weirdness of seeing a turtle-alien reproductive organ may be wearing off, and you’re wondering (like I was), What is the process of making a DIY custom alien dick, or any dick, at home? StarDildos walked me through the process of fabricating the toy from original vision to functional sex toy:

  1. Model the shape of the toy out of Monster Clay, an oil-based sculpting clay that’s used in movie costume prosthetics.
  2. Make a negative impression cast of the clay model from plaster of Paris—a method they admit isn’t ideal because the cast is single-use, but silicone is expensive and we’re on uncharted territory here—for the silicone of the dildo itself to be poured into it. When the plaster is dried, remove the clay.
  3. Mix up your medium: A two-part silicone that’s safe for sex toy use. Add a pigment to the mix, and leave it in for as long as possible before it hardens too much to pour; about an hour. “This method isn’t perfect and will leave some bubbles,” StarDildos said.
  4. Pour the silicone into the cast carefully up from the centre of the mould: “This is to avoid bubbles on the surface of the toy.”
  5. Let it sit for 12 hours to cure, then remove your new alien penis from the mold.

He took this process a step further and painted the finished dildo with small amounts of silicone mixed with yellow and green pigment.

“The end result is mostly what I envisaged and I am quite pleased with how it looks,” he said. “Given the feedback I have received from this, I think I will make some more, from different races in the game.” So we have that to look forward to. They also made a new subreddit for this purpose, r/StarDildos, which hopefully will be full of Star Citizen schlongs in the future. Right now, it’s just Xi’an.

StarDildos said he's not planning on selling these. For now, much like Star Citizen, the Xi’an dildo is a very interesting and ambitious project the follow on the internet, but one that we can't all experience as intended.

I’ve reached out to Cloud Imperium Games for comment on whether this dick is considered canon, and will update if I hear back.