Deep Breaths, You Rich Sonuvabitch: Tesla's Model X Is Coming September 29

After years of false starts, you can finally pre-order the much-delayed, much hyped Tesla Model X, an electric SUV crossover car/vehicle/status symbol that's more likely than not a very premium, luxurious, and environmentally friendly way to say fuck-you-I'm-rich.

Elon Musk's car company of the future just unveiled the Model X's Design Studio, a website that allows you to pimp out one of these cars of the future as if they were one of those sick personalized Nike sneakers from a few years ago.

If you are into electric vehicles and suicide doors that have been rebranded as "Falcon Wing" doors, this is exciting! This is good. This means that the Model X is actually coming, sometime (Musk said Wednesday that the first ones will be quote "handed over" to salivating customers, maybe under the threat of violence or force, on September 29). But you should probably almost definitely not buy one of these right now.

If you've been following the company at all, you probably already know that Tesla doesn't really operate like any other car company out there. There are no dealers, no model years, seemingly random upgrades to cars pushed out via software updates whenever they're ready, and so on. This unconventional way of doing things extends to how the company is rolling out the Model X.

Right now, you're only able to buy a "Signature" Model X, which does not refer to any sort of signed Elon Musk memorabilia but instead refers to a seriously souped-up version of the car that, at the very highest end, will set you back $143,750 and be delivered sometime before the end of the year. This version of the car can go from 0 to 60 in 3.2 seconds and can go 155 miles per hour which, OK, can I borrow your Tesla also I am Googling local racetracks right now I'm free whenever.

Anyway, this is a lot of money and if you can casually drop that on a new vehicle at the moment, you clearly live a luxurious lifestyle and so would probably appreciate a Motherboard Premium subscription alongside your new car.

If you've been waiting to buy a Model X for years, which lots of people have because Tesla has never ever been able to hit any of its deadlines, you should probably wait a little longer, until the company begins mass-producing the vehicles early next year.

The normal, run of the mill Model X will be released in early 2016 and is going to cost closer to $100,000, which is still more money than you're going to spend on a bus pass but is perhaps the going rate for the follow-up to a car that was so good that it literally broke Consumer Reports' ranking system and has been named the best car in the history of the human race by basically everyone in the car press. As an aside, I rented a Kia to go to the beach this weekend and it will probably get me there in one piece, which is cool. I hope it has one of those audio cable input thingies so I can listen to my music with the windows down as I try to pretend that summer isn't dying.

Elon Musk himself has said that he totally understands that you are probably dealing with sticker shock right now, but maybe just wait a little bit longer (or a lot-a-bit longer if you fall into my tax bracket) for a more affordable Tesla. He tweeted Wednesday that the standard production version of the Model X will cost only $5,000 more than the Model S, "due to [the Model X's] greater size and body complexity."

For the norms out there, Musk said the Model 3, which is a "smaller and lower cost sedan," will enter production roughly two years from now, after Tesla's Gigafactory battery production center is running at full capacity. Musk has said in the past that the aim with the Model 3 is to take electric vehicles totally mass market at a price point of something like $35,000 (this has been the plan since the company started, more or less).

In conclusion, the Model X is likely to be a pretty badass sport utility vehicle and I can't wait to see rich people trying to shove large pieces of lumber and other hardware through its suicide doors, using bungie cords to hold the door closed-ish. In the meantime, I will continue to ride the ultimate energy-efficient vehicle, my bicycle.