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Tech

Screwing Around With a New Telephone That Can Talk to Rocks

If the internet were a shopping mall, it’d be the size of the entire universe, but all it would have in it are three stores, a stripclub and a complaint department. One of the stores would sell pets and pet supplies, while another would house the...

If the internet were a shopping mall, it'd be the size of the entire universe, but all it would have in it are three stores, a stripclub and a complaint department. One of the stores would sell pets and pet supplies, while another would house the largest array of consumer electronics known to man. The third would be something like a Thomas Kinkade gallery but with an endlessly rotating collection of other peoples' food.

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I spend more time in this hypothetical mall than I'd care to admit, which I suppose is what got me invited to an event to celebrate a new phone called the Samsung Galaxy S3. After taking one home, I've learned that this is about as much a 'phone' as a filet mignon is a hunk of meat. The thing can do future shit I haven't even mentally prepared myself for. Also, the battery life is unreal. I've charged it twice in the last week and it's still flying. It’s thin but wide and the one I have is this sort of RoboCop color, which is… well, let’s just say, ignoring performance and features, beauty is in the iPhone of the beholder.

As a dedicated consumer of media, with next to zero credibility as a product reviewer, I thought I'd let my hip-looking intern Dan take the Galaxy S3 for a spin. I figured he'd report back honestly because there's nothing in it for him. He's also younger than me, therefore, he's smarter than me. Everyone wins.

-Sean Yeaton

Dear Sean,

First, I want to say how impressed I am with the speed of this thing, it hauls ass. Of course, fairly I must say, I don’t own a device with 4G bandwidth or 4G LT, or with any ‘4’-style technology. I was riding the train home and downloaded a 4.5mb Adobe flash plug-in file in less than a second (elevated, above-ground train tracks — let’s not get carried away here; NYC still has a ways to go before I’m downloading at this speed underground). The hair on the back of my hand stood up as the train took a corner; I clutched the Galaxy’s wide frame tightly.

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The Flipboard app is retina candy

This Flipboard App displays a bunch of headlines and peeling through them happens as fast as my thumbs can slide. For those who have mastered this type of dexterity via thumb harps, counting cash, or other smartphones this is yet, a whole new world. It would be hard for me to say much less than will emphasize the awesomeness of using a phone like this when I’ve been so loyal to the iPhone 3G/3GS model for 4 years. I’ve probably replaced them eight times, and haven’t had much interest in the iPhone 4 – arguing the 3GS has everything I need in a dipshit smartphone.

Just tap the phone against this thing and it takes you to Sean’s Twitter feed

Samsung’s brand of NFC, or Near Field Communication chips — called TecTiles — are a fuckin’ blast. If you are familiar with MasterCard’s PayPass, the Galaxy uses the same technology (the upcoming iPhones will have NFC antennae as well). I have it setup right now with three TecTiles hidden behind some sticky notes on the shelf of the Motherboard desk. Each sticky note has a different Twitter page linked to it. One takes me to Alex’s, one goes to yours, and the other goes to Derek’s. It’s legit, just slap the phone up near the sticky note and whammo, it loads the programmed feed. Oh and it makes a cool beep. I may have to do this with all my home pages.

We like to put the NFC in EOD

Another thing, you know how that "reggae horn" comes blasting out of Derek's corner at the end of every day? Now all I have to do is zap the little thingy I stuck to the whiteboard, and my phone becomes the selector, blasting that horn with true reggae ease. NFC chips also promise to allow you to program automatic calls, status updates, geolocating, app launching… the possibilities are quite endless. Now, when you're outside on the sidewalk in front of Motherboard’s headquarters, near the little tree in the sidewalk, and you're curious about nature, you can zap the rock – I put a TecTile there too.. It takes you right to the rock article on Wiki. NFC is pretty exciting, and while I mostly did simpler things with the 5 TecTiles that we got from Samsung, I saw a BuzzFeed post preaching the many uses of NFC that we will see in the future. NFC is anticipated to replace cash, keys, concert and transportation tickets to name a few.

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Magic wand or cell phone? Tap your S3 against this rock and the two become indistinguishable

Theres a cool function for when you’re trying to type, if you dash your thumb over the QWERTY touchscreen keyboard like a drunk — simply grazing the general letters you want to spell in a somewhat consecutive order — the word you are going for is produced in about half the time. Well, I can’t remember the last time I wanted to use the word ducking. Can you?

The blue lasso let’s me know I’m the future now

My first flip phone on T-Mobile was a Samsung, and I was 18. I bought it myself. I had one of the first Samsung Blu-Ray players, I have a Samsung TV. But the S3 probably won’t bring me back to the brand in terms of phones, simply because I’d have to buy it for $500, and I’d rather just fuck up my iPhone a little bit and get it replaced every 6 months, as per usual. Unless, of course, I can keep this one?

-Dan Stuckey

Dear Dan,

You can’t keep it.

-Sean Yeaton