Say Fappy Holidays with Our Sex Tech Gift Guide

Holiday times are fast approaching (or, if you're Jewish, already here), and nothing puts the ho in holiday quite like some good old fashioned sex tech. There's no shortage of new and noteworthy products promising to help you have a pervy little Christmas—or Kwanzaa, or religiously unaffiliated gift-giving season—but which ones will actually keep your Yule log burning bright?

As someone with more than a passing familiarity with the ins and outs of erotic gadgets, I've got a few recommendations for products that'll make your holiday one to remember, or at least inspire a few excellent orgasms. Read on for my sex tech gift recommendations (and, fortunately for all of us, no more terrible holiday puns).

For fans of the classics

Magic Wand Rechargeable: How do you improve upon perfection? In the case of the Magic Wand vibrator (formerly known as the Hitachi Magic Wand), by taking a classic bit of tech that's been pleasing fans of heavy duty vibration for decades, and slightly tweaking the design to bring it into the twenty-first century.

Unlike the original, the new and improved Magic Wand is rechargeable and cordless, meaning your pleasure will no longer be tethered to the nearest power outlet. It's also lighter, quieter, and with a body-safe silicone head (a vast improvement over the original vinyl one). But even with all the changes, the important thing has still remained the same—namely, the powerful, rumbly vibrations that have brought countless users to orgasm over the years.

For couples looking for a little extra buzz

Eva: Heterosexual intercourse is plagued by an unfortunate design flaw. Though the majority of women orgasm through direct clitoral stimulation, the business of getting busy is primarily focused inside the vagina. Cunnlingus and manual stimulation can obviously help out here, but what's to be done for the lady who prefers to come during coitus?

Over the years, a number of sex toy companies have attempted to offer solutions, whether they be vibrating cock rings; wearable, remote controlled vibrators; or just regular old hand held vibes small enough to be used during sex. But many of these products have been ineffective, clunky, or uncomfortable, not to mention poorly designed and made of low quality materials.

Enter Eva, a guitar pick with legs designed to nestle securely between the labia, providing hands-free vibration that enhances the erotic experience. Though it won't work for every vulva, what with labia varying a great deal from body to body, it's a great option anyone looking for a hands-free toy that exclusively (and directly) stimulates the clitoris.

For those looking for something new

The Womanizer or the Fiera: The sex toy industry has never really been the most innovative technological space: generally speaking, toy designers have stuck to the basic strategy of developing products focused on penetration and vibration, rarely attempting anything new (since, hey, if it's not broke, why fix it?). But this year saw the debut of two products not afraid to, well, fap different. Both the Womanizer and the Fiera rely on suction in addition to vibration, creating a unique masturbatory experience that's revelatory for anyone who's been unsatisfied by standard sex toy offerings, or just looking for a novel new thrill.

That said, this recommendation does come with some qualifications: for one, both these products are on the pricier end (clocking in at $189 and $250, respectively). And in addition to the awkward name, which apparently goes over better in Europe, where the product originated, the Womanizer is seriously fugly. But if you can overlook a little leopard print plastic, or are willing to pony up some extra dough for the prettier Fiera, both products offer a little something different to delight your favorite clitoris.

For those with prostates

Loki Wave: The "sex toys for men" category often exclusively focuses on the products designed for the penis. But everyone's got a butthole—and people with penises also have prostates, which can make anal pleasure especially delightful.

Most prostate pleasure products are decidedly low tech, offering a bit of vibration at most. Lelo's Loki Wave goes in a different direction, combining multiple motors with a "come hither" motion intended to mimic the sensation of a finger in the butt.

Though it's decidedly not for beginners, it's worth checking out if your butt's been around the block a few times and is interested in a whole new adventure. (And even if it's not your thing, it's still exciting to see a company treating prostate play with the high tech attention previously reserved for vaginas and clitorises alone.)