Well, well, well, well, well, well, well. What do we have here?You know? Do you know what I mean? One minute you're living your life. Waking up on a Monday morning as you usually do, catching the train into your office job and thinking to yourself, "wow, the unremarkable-ness of day to day working class life certainly plods along, doesn't it? What year is it even?" You sigh into a man's armpit and close your eyes and imagine yourself in Vanuatu, on a milky white beach, reclined on a plasticky and rather uncomfortable banana lounge. But you don't care because it's your imagination and you change it to bed of leaves—the ones that look and feel like rabbit ears. And besides, you've got a glistening glass of sex on the beach in one hand (yes, it has a tiny umbrella in it, for god's sake of course it does) and you've got the latest Margaret Atwood in the other hand and you smell like a fucking coconut.
Advertisement
Then it's your stop so you snap out of it and you waddle like an upright sardine from train to turnstile to sidewalk until you've petered off enough from the hoards of people, all on their way to make their money, and you get to your workplace and you sit down at your desk and there it is: an email. The first of the day. It's from a colleague. It just says: "Have you seen this?"And then everything changes. The world goes suddenly from black and white to colour like that really famous film from fuckin' ages ago, what's it called? Pleasantville. And nothing is ever the same again. Because someone, some absolute walnut that you've never met and never will decided to sit down at a computer one day and bind together in holy matrimony the 1999 single "My Name Is" by Eminem, and the revered, iconic soliloquies of tile retailer Frank Walker, of National Tiles. And it's just like… Holy fuck, man. Wow.@TripleJ: Submitting this for high rotation.Follow Issy Beech on Twitter.