What Else...

Photo by thecobrasnake

DOWNTOWN AND THE STRIP Unless you’ve got some local friends to guide you safely through the riffraff on the periphery (in which case this guide is already a bit unnecessary) these are the two areas you’re going to be locked in for your stay. Downtown was at the height of its popularity back in the Sinatra days and used to provide a pretty decent semi-seedy alternative to the Strip. But thanks to recent “revitalizing” efforts like the Fremont Street Experience, the two are rapidly becoming one solid vein of fatty-clogged neon ughness. Enjoy it while there’s still a little left to enjoy. ATMs These guys will rape you harder than any one-armed bandit you’re going to come across. The average transaction fee in casinos is $3 to $4 ($5 in strip-clubs) but we’ve actually seen it go as high as $10. Anywhere you’re going to stay should have a safe in the room—the best plan is to take as much money as you want to spend for your trip in cash and keep it in there. It’s kind of fun to pretend like you’re ferreting away the haul from a big heist and constantly have to be worried about whether your partner is going to skip town with it the second you fall asleep. Maybe you’ll have to kill him.

Photo by Max Landes

ALCOHOL You can drink while walking down the street 24 hours a day, just so long as you keep your ass moving. Sitting and sipping is a no-no. Also, I know we sound like your mother here, but honestly, past drink three, gambling drunk is like trying to padde-boat with a Down’s patient that just happens to be yourself.  DRUGS You can basically powder your nose and smoke as much crack or meth as you want with impunity. If you get caught, the most the police will do is dump it in the street and step on it. For reals. These drugs aren’t considered a big deal because the casinos want you to be very “up” to take advantage of the 24-hour drinking, which leads to 27-hour gambling, which leads to the them taking all your fucking money. Vegas is also one of the few big cities where it’s really easy to score without knowing anyone. Just head to any bar downtown, find the vaguely shady-looking fellow holding down the far corner, buy him a drink and say, “Hey, I know this sounds gay, but are you a cop?” If he isn’t (he’s required to tell you if he is), meet your new guy.  The one drug you should actually be really careful with is weed. The LVPD has a kind of weird zero-tolerance policy for the ganj, and they can have you in denims for months for just a little toke. And I don’t care what Hunter S. Thompson may have said, this town plus hallucinogens is probably the worst idea you could ever have.