You know what I want, so desperately want from the very bottom of my being when I wake up? More sleep. But this lady? This lady wants square donuts, she wants them toasted, and she wants them right the hell now.I’m not sure what Bird’s Eye’s ad strategy was in the 60s, but at least someone thought they could hock their doughnut squares — what the hell is that anyway? A lame-ass version of a Pop Tart? Sounds like starchy cardboard — with a proto-Kristen Schaal lustily calling for them from the bedroom.There’s also an interesting dom/sub dynamic going on: the woman groans that she needs doughnuts nowww and the man hops up, fools around in the kitchen, and then drags the toaster itself into the bedroom so she can watch while he shoves the soon-to-be hot dough in. (I do fault the producer for not including the toaster-eject money shot.)But the strangest thing of all? After delivering all of that doughnut pleasure, the final shot is just the man sitting there, staring at the window. That’s about the worst possible post-toaster body language I can possible imagine. While she looks totally content, he looks… downtrodden. Ashamed, or abused, even. Hot damn, these doughnuts just got really dark.Follow Derek Mead on Twitter: @derektmead.*Videodrome is Motherboard’s weekly look at the weird old archival footage lurking around the web. Check out last week’s: Thomas Edison Turns Dogs into Sausages and Back Again