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Again: no. Just to clarify: no, don't fuck slides. It's a literal sex offense. Johnson was handed a Criminal Behavior Order yesterday banning him from playgrounds, swimming baths, recreation grounds, and leisure centers for the next three years, as well as a £55 [$85] fine (surprisingly low, for fucking a slide), £60 [$90] victim surcharge (not for me to question the lash and the law but: how does an inanimate slide claim victim remuneration? What can a slide buy with $90?) and £265 [$407] costs and charges, as well as having to undergo an 18-month sex offender treatment program. So, to recap: don't fuck slides. But still: It's one rule for a braying future prime minister allegedly putting his dick in a pig, or a former Olympian in love with a 128-year-old Parisian tourist attraction, quite another for a simple Coventry man fucking a slide.Class war now.Follow Joel on Twitter.On VICE Sports: Emmanuel Adebayor, Football's Unloved Maverick