Jimmy Kimmel Is a Shitty Advertising Copywriter

Jimmy Kimmel, host of Jimmy Kimmel Live!—a not-live, pre-recorded TV show—and his Jackhole Productions staff recently horked up an in-show ad for Tostitos dubbed “The Worst Contest Ever.” In-show ads are of course now de rigueur, thanks to DVRs, but this one is especially fucking degrading. The stale, fake audience question motif is bad enough, but the exchanges here between the plants and Kimmel are asinine. If I had submitted this script to my former creative director, he would have wiped his ass with it and thrown it back in my face.

Here’s Frito-Lay’s press release about the ad:

“Watched by more than 13 million viewers last year, the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl is one of the most anticipated match-ups in the Bowl Championship Series. Tostitos has been the title sponsor of the Fiesta Bowl for the past 19 years– the longest running sponsor of a BCS game. This year, the Tostitos brand is reinventing the college bowl game viewing experience and taking it to the next level through its partnership with Kimmel. As a brand that is known for making life a party, Tostitos is leveraging one of the biggest properties in college sports to bring the ultimate party experience to viewers at home and at the game.”

That is some buzzwordy gobbledygook right there.

The disclaimer at the end of the video reads:

“The Worst Contest Ever” Void where exhibited. Not valid in your state of residence. No reason to enter… nothing to win.”

But, some people—Hundreds? Thousands?—will still mail a Tostito (or a reasonable chip facsimile or maybe a piece of cat shit) to that address, wasting stamps and paper and precious moments of their lives. Kimmel should be required by law to stuff every one of those dirty, smashed chips into his man maw, not in the comfort of his own home, but on “live” TV. Every single fucking one of them. He can then do an in-show Imodium ad.

Lottery advertising is hard to do well, so I was a bit hesitant to include this latest spot for the New York Lottery. But this concept is so bad, and the copy line is so bad, and the actor looks like such a nimrod in his midlife crisis Jaguar-like convertible, that I had to post it.

First off, the only times anybody stops thinking about money are during death (maybe) or an apocalypse. Secondly, I want to see a couple of F-15s blow this lottery winner into Florida’s Moser Channel like that great scene from True Lies.

Ad agency: DDB New York.

McDonald’s just put up this billboard in Stockholm, Sweden. It makes fun of the olds and the slow deterioration of their wrinkly bodies pretty cruelly, doesn’t it? Well, according to the ad’s art director: no, no it doesn't.

Said DDB Stockholm’s Gustav Holm: "In Sweden even older people have a sense [of] humor," and that writing out what you're supposed to hear—or not hear—makes it even more harmless.”

Huh. I guess then that Holm or maybe a junior AD is currently stationed next to the billboard 24/7 to explain it to Sweden’s nonplussed near-deaf retirees.

(NOTE: it reads “menu” instead of “meal” probably because this is a badly translated version of the billboard, used for publicity purposes.)

Finally, this week’s Social Media Dipshit is hp, who, for a recent “Throwback Thursday” not only threw up a goddamn beautiful Facebook photo of a 1994 LaserJet printer, but also invited you to post and “share” a photo of your hot-ass paper belcher. That’s engagement, baby. Via Condescending Corporate Brand Page.

@copyranter