Sex, Fights and Lines: Inside the World's Rowdiest Flight

Or how about the latest masterpiece, where a man’s suspected k-hole caused his Liverpool to Ibiza flight to deviate to France. Here he was guided off the plane at Bordeaux by surprisingly good-humoured police to rapturous acclaim:

Oh, and there’s more: The roughly 70 Scots who, in 2022, drank and made merry up and down the aisle? And who could forget the Scottish lads in 2019, who spilled drinks all over the shop, called a member of the cabin crew a “nonce” and made a nine year old cry? 

There are many, many other disastrous UK to Ibiza flights knocking about the internet, but you get it. Whatever the British city of origin, it all amounts to chaos if the destination is Ibiza. Sure, the UK to Las Vegas flightpath has its boisterous moments, too, but we’re talking less than three hours here, compared to over ten hours – it’s clear who this crown belongs too.

In attempts to curtail this in-flight lewdness, UK airlines have banned consumption of duty free alcohol to minimal effect. According to recent Civil Aviation Authority figures, there were 1,028 incidents of disruptive behaviour on UK flights in 2022, up from 373 in 2019. 

Brits are bad/good at this. So we thought we’d ask you about your experiences. Here are eight of your most outlandish UK to Ibiza in-flight hijinks – buckle up.

“It was just bizarre from the moment you stepped on the plane; the air hostesses had a weird energy. I was like: ‘What do you know that's gonna happen that I don't know?’ We were delayed for an hour on the tarmac. One of the people I was with was offered lines. They were doing them on the tray tables. 

“Some lady in front of me asked to swap seats with a Spanish lady, but the Spanish lady wouldn't move. When we were up in the air, the woman stood over her, shouted to her other friends and just drank a whole bottle of gin. They all drank it; she stood in the aisles shouting. Lads in front of me were all singing Flo Rida – everyone was vaping. 

“When we landed, the passport control people didn't even look at our passports; we were let straight through. The guy who’d offered the coke on the plane dropped a whole bottle of gin when we were walking through security.”  – Alice, 28, flew from London to Ibiza

“'Get on the plane and it's already a bit chaotic. There were a few people being quite rowdy, with speakers playing. It wasn’t like your average flight. I was sitting near the back. There was a group next to us who were from London – off their heads – and a group near them who were from Liverpool.

“The Scousers were just banging lines. I'm assuming they'd plugged it and that's how they carried it through. Amidst this chaos, there was a baby like five rows in front with a family, and then five rows behind was the lads. I went from looking at the family to these lads having an absolute sesh basically: Trays down, loads of lines wrapped on the trays, trying to get through them before the food cart arrived.

“Then they're all absolutely off the face, like dribbling on themselves almost for the next hour, two hours. Everyone's got sunglasses on. Just a bit of a chaotic one. No one got caught for anything, though. Anytime anyone came near they covered it up. I mean, it was pretty obvious, if you know, but maybe not to everyone else. The vibe was actually really quite fun.” — Sam, 26, London, flew from Gatwick to Ibiza

“It was a weekend evening flight so we knew it would potentially be a party plane (fine with that). People were passing duty free vodka down the plane and everyone was drinking from it. We were sat quite close to the front row and saw two women going into the toilet. They came out, and a bit later someone else went in and came straight out saying someone had shat in the sink. They had to close the toilet for the rest of the flight.” — Vicky Carter, 25, flew from East Midlands to Ibiza

‘They stood up on the seats, banged the seat backs and chanted’

“I was with my parents on the early morning flight. We were sat near a group of 10-15 lads who were pretty drunk already. As soon as we took off, all of them queued up to go to the bathroom (presumably to remove and sniff whatever they had hidden, ouch). They were battered. They had portable speakers in their hands and refused to move, blocking the aisle. The air hostesses couldn’t get past and the food/ drinks trolleys never came. They stood up on the seats, banged the seat backs and chanted.

“Everyone found it pretty funny, even my parents, but the worst part for me was them being rude to the staff. I don’t mind a rowdy flight at the right time or route, but making sexual or degrading comments to the air hostesses who are just trying to do their job is really unfair, IMO. It was wild just watching them have no control.” — Kelly Washington, 26, flew from Manchester to Ibiza

“On our flight, a lady on a hen do in front was complaining to her friends about how boring the flight was. She said that everyone needed to cheer the fuck up: ‘It's an Ibiza flight!’ Every time the crew made this announcement: ‘Remember no smoking, vaping, consuming your own alcohol or any other substances is illegal and if anyone's caught we will be landing at the closest airport,’ the hen do booed. I can safely say I've never been on a flight that's said that before. It was 3PM on a Monday!” — Grace, 26, flew from Manchester to Ibiza

‘The air stewards didn’t have a clue what to do, so they picked him up and laid him in the aisle’

“When we got on the flight, there was a group of guys who had bought all these bottles of one-litre Smirnoffs from duty free; they were swigging from them the whole flight. When we came close to landing, one of the guys had fully passed out in his chair and was totally unresponsive. The air stewards didn’t have a clue what to do, so they picked him up and laid him in the aisle. But that meant we couldn’t get off the plane because we were behind him. So we sat there for like two hours waiting for medical staff – people started getting rowdy.” — Ellie, 28, flew from Luton to Ibiza 

“Flight was last September. There excitement in the air. Got sat next to two lads from Preston – one was an XL bully dealer. Had two rum and cokes and chatted with them for a bit, then one of them asked if I was a grass. Turns out he’d smuggled a few grams of ket up his ass in a johnny. Questioned it a bit, but also found it funny. Proceeded to have a couple bumps, which hit me quick enough. 

“Don’t think anyone really noticed TBF, as they were more preoccupied with a couple that had just joined the Mile High Club in the toilet. The captain gave them a ‘congratulations’ over the tannoy and announced they had been banned from flying with them again. Wouldn’t have minded when the plane landed if they’d delayed us on the tarmac for a while – I struggled to walk straight. I didn’t look right when I saw myself in the passport scanners.” — Will (name has been changed), 28, flew from Manchester to Ibiza

‘The irony was none of them were above a four on their best day’

“My friend and I got on an easyJet flight to Ibiza and there was a stag behind who must have all been in their early-to-mid 30s. At first it was funny because the very obvious stag was wearing a cheap wedding dress. It was quite funny; on the plane there was like, group camaraderie.

After a while, though, I noticed that after a woman went to the bathroom, the guys would be like ‘seven’, or ‘six’ or ‘two’. So it didn't take long to work out what they were doing. I just didn't go to the loo. It was gross. They clearly had nothing to talk about amongst themselves, except revert to misogyny. The irony was none of them were above a four on their best day.” — Cynthia, 28, flew from London to Ibiza

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