What is the Twink-Handler Relationship? I Asked A Bunch Of Twinks and Their Handlers.

If your life is devoid of queer people and therefore joyless and terrible, “twink” is a gay slang term that denotes a particular slim, hairless, youthful body-type. 

While the etymology of Twink is contested, a definition from Gay-2-Zee: A Dictionary of Sex, Subtext, and the Sublime, published in 2006, describes that similar to the American delicacy, the Twinkie – "little nutritional value, sweet to the taste, and creme-filled" – the twink is “short, and blonde, and filled with cream”. 

Years after that definition was first written, the study of twink sociology, psychology and lore has evolved. Enter: The twink-handler relationship.

“Twinks and their Pretty Handlers” was a concept born in a TikTok video, where the creator, Ramtin Ari, describes how “every twink will always have a pretty girlfriend”. 

“You see a twink, and there’s always a squad, or just one, pretty girlfriend.” 

Ari refers to these pretty girlfriends as the twink’s “handlers”. And, as Ari describes, the twink-handler relationship is very particular and very special. The handlers help their twinks make good decisions and steer them along the right path. Moreover, without a handler to keep them in line, a twink devolves into a “demon twink”. 

“Generally, the prettier the handler, the higher-quality the twink.”

The video, with 2.7 million views, found its target audience. This psycho-sociological hypothesis had touched on something not immediately obvious, but undoubtedly real.

Being an internet reporter is a sick and twisted unending nightmare because one day you’re reporting on the Sydney asbestos crisis of 2024 and the next you’re posting a call out for twinks to interview about their pretty handlers on your personal Instagram account. When people rightfully enquire as to what in fresh hell you’re on about you have to inform them it’s from a TikTok. But here we are.

A few days after posting the call-out, I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while, who told me my call-out had “done rounds in the community”.

“Everyone was like, what is this bitch on about?”

When I told them a handler was essentially a “girl-best-friend”, they were surprised. 

“Oh… I thought it was a BDSM thing.” 

Which is fair enough. Not everyone lives inside the internet. So, what is the twink-handler relationship? Is it real? VICE interviewed some twinks (and their handlers) to find out.

How does the concept of “twinks and their handlers” make you feel ?

The concept of “twinks and their handlers” makes me feel so seen because, like, some of the shit my twink has put us through?? Like yeah, I’ve had to handle his ass a few times, in the time I’ve known him.

Obviously it’s all in good fun but I just feel like the concept actually does encapsulate a really specific thing in close friendships between gay men and women, where the woman keeps her twink in check from time to time. But it also acknowledges the fact that the twink is aware of it and is open to being kept in check by a cunty femme diva. Which I feel is a beautiful thing, since it’s not as widely common in relationships between straight men and women, for straight cis men to be open to receiving constructive criticisms from strong women. So I suppose the concept also makes me feel appreciated and empowered in some ways.

As a gorgeous handler, what does your role in the dynamic entail? 

As a gorgeous handler, I feel that my role in the dynamic is to be gorgeous, for one (but that comes without even trying let’s be honest) and always be real with my twink. If my twink is flopping, I’ll let them know. Or if they’re needing my advice on something, I’ll give them my complete and honest thoughts. I won’t ever sugarcoat anything with them. If I feel that they are about to make some questionable choices, that’s where I step in to make sure they don’t do something rogue, like message their ex or take a stupid amount of acid at a festival.

My role is also to make sure he and I are seen out and about because honestly, he and I are truly one of the hottest duos you’ll ever see, so it’s our civic duty TO BE SEEN. Other than that, my role is to just be a good friend. He’s my twink, but also my best friend and family at the end of the day. All of these things come from a place of complete love for him and wanting nothing but the best for him. Just as he does for me.

How did you meet your twink?

I met my twink back in 2018 at some 18th birthday party in Docklands and I had known who he was for a little while because he was THE TWINK of our area. Like anyone who’s anyone in our area knew who that twink was. Also mainly because he was one of the only gay kids in our area that was out and proud at the time, which made him quite the local legend.

I was introduced to him by one of my old friends from high school at this party and I remember he was wearing, some white pants with a button up shirt with one of those hideous prints (it was the shit at the time), face beat to the gods, he had threaded brows probably filled in with Anastasia Beverly Hills brow pomade, long acrylic nails and he had hair that was shaved on the sides with the top part gelled back. He was giving 2018 Bretman Rock twink fantasy down honey.

I met him two more times after that party and each time he re-introduced himself to me because he forgot who I was. On the third time of him meeting me and forgetting my name, I told him, ‘You know we’ve met before right? Twice actually.’ Which gagged him a little. I then told him: ‘This is not happening again, you better remember my name the next time I see you I swear to god or you will not see me again.’

Which I think worked because then he remembered my name and we’ve been best friends ever since. Something about the twinks in my life having the worst memory of all time should be a case study in itself.

What was your life like before you met your twink?

My life was really straight before I met my twink, which also means boring to be honest. Like, I didn’t have many queer friends but I also didn’t have any close POC friends. Being an Asian woman, who was still trying to figure out her queer identity, I felt isolated in a way that I couldn’t quite explain at the time. I was just trying my best to fit in with everyone around me in high school. I feel like I had no real exposure to gay or queer culture but more specifically, queer culture from a POC perspective. Other than maybe Yah Yah’s but honestly, I would argue that that place is where gay culture failed.

I just felt really out of place for a lot of my high school life and I always felt I had to be careful in the way I was perceived. Before meeting my twink, I think that there was this really real and really cunty part of me that didn’t really come out until I met him.

Please describe how you feel about your twink. 

I love my twink to death. He is the twink to end all twinks, in my eyes. I truly feel that he is one of the most wonderful people in my life and I don’t know where I’d be without him. A lot of people in my life refer to me as mother, well, because I am, but also because I do take on a sort of motherly role towards the people in my life. So the fact that he’s seen by our friends as the father/husband counterpart to me, I couldn’t be more obsessed with. It makes me incredibly grateful and happy to have someone like him to share our whirlwind love affair with the world!!

Who is the better influence on the other?

I actually feel that we might be a good influence on each other. I don’t know if we necessarily make each other better people. We can be pretty rotten and evil at times, we probably brought that out of each other from the moment we met, but we certainly add something to each other that overall makes life all the more fun and exciting. I think that he reminds me to always want more and strive for the best and I remind him to appreciate and focus on the good things in life for now.

What are your star signs?

He is an Aries and I’m a Cancer. Which is literally a twink/handler combo down to a T.

What is the craziest shit u have seen ur twink do, attempt to do, or suggest to do?

I have never seen someone steal (shoplift actually, stealing is broke) from supermarkets the way my twink does. He goes in there with his Telfar bag and leaves with everything for dinner that night in that very same Telfar. I’m always impressed at the speed he shoplifts, like I don’t even think I’ve ever seen him put actual things in his bag when he has, he just almost always ends up with a full bag when we leave the supermarket. A skill that should be studied and appreciated.

How does the concept of “twinks and their handlers” make you feel ?

Honestly, I hadn’t heard of the phrase up until now. So I asked my ‘handler’, and she explained it to me. Okay, mother.

How did you meet your handler ?

I met my handler through a similar circle of friends when we were teenagers, and we grew close by connecting through our queerness and Asian background. From there, what really brought us tight was ballroom and vogue femme, and our creative passions. Now, I’m extremely close with her siblings and call her family my own.

What was your life like before you met your handler?

Dull, lifeless, despondent, dreary, mundane. And definitely not as faggy.

Please describe how you feel about your handler ! 

I love her with all my heart, if I was into women I think we’d definitely be in a toxic situationship that has great and frequent sex but argues tons.

Who is the better influence on the other?

I think we’ve both had a massive influence on each other, there’re periods of time where I’d say I’m a better influence on her and vice versa. We’ve both been through a lot of shit together the past few years and I think we’ve each massively shaped the other person.

What would happen to you if your handler one day just disappeared?

I would wither away, collapse and weep. I would try to summon her with an evil ritual.

How does the concept of “twinks and their pretty handlers” make you feel?

Like I’m missing out on something I shouldn’t be missing out on? I’m definitely intrigued to understand more.

You mentioned you are without handler, how does that affect your life, if at all?

Whilst unbeknownst to myself, I do feel like given a handler, life would have more structure and potentially more financial freedom?

Have you ever had a handler?

I think I’ve had many try to handle but not get very far in the process.

Do you consider yourself a demon twink?

I’ve been branded demon twink more times than one can count. So yes. As the saying goes, ‘if the shoe fits…’

What does that look like for you? 

So by definition:

- TWINK, a gay or bisexual young man with a slim build and youthful appearance.

- DEMON, a forceful or skilful performer of a specified activity.

With this new understanding of ‘demon’, I can confidently say I embody all of what a demon twink can only aspire to be. Living chaotically carefree and responsibly reckless!

Do you think you need a handler? Would you seek one out?

There’s many other things I need first, but yes, quite possibly. 

What is your favourite activity on a summer’s eve?

Sunset and a beer on the beach with friends.

What is your astrology big three?

Aries sun, Taurus moon, Leo rising. Bitch. 

How does the concept of “twinks and their handlers” make you feel ?

I think it’s really funny and also very true, it’s so bizarre to me that it’s a relevant phenomenon but also hilarious. 

How did you meet your handler?

We met through a mutual friend but we hated each other for several years until fate pushed us back together and we realised we were actually very compatible. 

What was your life like before you met your handler?

Not worth living.

Please describe how you feel about your handler.

I love that girl like nothing else. She’s the funniest and stupidest and kindest and smartest person I’ve ever met. 

What is your favourite thing about them and least favourite thing about them?

Her boobs (can I say that?) and she’s the loudest drunk I’ve ever met, that girl loves to stomp. 

What is your favourite activity to do together ? 

Slay the night away, typically on the dance floor. 

Who is the better influence on the other?

Her on me, 100%.

What are your star signs?

Both virgos, but she’s August virgo I’m September.

As a gorgeous handler, what does your role in the dynamic entail? 

My role requires me to get him together, make him look cute, collect him and/or read him to filth when necessary. I also give him lots of hugs and kisses because he is intimately deprived. 

How did you meet your twink?

I met him through a mutual friend that we both used to be besties with, but have dropped since. Trio friendships unfortunately just don’t work. The first time we met we were immediately soul bonded for life.

What was life like before you met your twink?

Life was joyless. For real. All I knew was debauchery and corruption prior to meeting him.

Please describe how you feel about your twink!

It’s hard to articulate but I’ll try. My friendship with him is something I never expected in my life. He’s someone who balances me out, but at the same time, he has enough emotional intelligence (which I know is hard for a man) to be able to match me as an equal. Honestly, I’ve never met anyone who truly understands me or sees me the way he does. I think people see us together and are confused because to everyone he’s just some Wasian twink but to me he’s my true soulmate. Like, we’re literally Bert and Ernie. I had never met anyone who loves me wholeheartedly and unconditionally the way he loves me. And I love him right back!

What is your favourite thing about him?

He’s very generous towards the people he loves and is always willing to buy me things (mama is poor!). He has a big heart and is good at taking accountability for when he flops. My least favourite thing is that he doesn’t put himself out there enough, or at least in my opinion. Deep down, I know he wants a boyfriend or at least a smooch, but he has always been too humble and too shy to pursue anyone. Which is sad because his pent-up horniness comes out in other ways, like sometimes he dry humps me. And then I have to get him together and punish him by ripping off a toenail or two.

What is your favourite thing to do together?

Our favourite activity is debriefing about freaks we meet, and talking shit about all the people we hate. Also watching movies.  And, on special occasions, I shave his ass.

We also love walking through rich neighbourhoods and picking out which houses we want to eventually rob and the gardens we like.

Who is the better influence on the other?

Me, of course. Because I’m really hot and wait I’m goated.

What are your star signs?

He’s a Gemini and I’m a Leo duhhhh.

What’s the craziest shit you’ve seen your twink do?

One time he was riding his bike and got hit by a car. Unfortunately, he survived.

How do you feel about the concept “twinks and their handlers”?

I love it! I only heard about it recently and I feel like it’s the best way to describe me and my handlers dynamic. 

Please describe how you feel about your handler?

I am deeply in love with my handler and it is disgusting. I feel like they are someone who really understands me and is able to guide me to whatever it is that will fill that hole in my heart. They’ve have helped me express who I am and discover who I want to become, so I know that they are meant for me.

What is your favourite activity to do together? 

We love to watch movies and play scrabble together. Of course they always win because they’re soooo smart and always get to swap letters with me. We also love to go to their favourite restaurant for dinner, the same one every time, but its definitely in my top three.  

What would happen if one day your handler just disappeared?

If they turned invisible then I think it would be cool, but if they like left me… I’d probably end up alone forever. I see them pretty much every day so if they ran off on me then I would yearn for them forever and never find a new pretty handler. I’d live a life of solitude where no one would ever love me the same way.

Arielle Richards is the multimedia reporter at VICE Australia, follow her on Instagram and Twitter.