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Chris: Well we have a joke that girls in like, middle America are just like, "Help, help!" about the men here. You go to West Virginia to any bar and see what you're up against.
Carl: Backwards cap, sneakers.
Chris: They wear hunting jackets out to the bar!
Dan: We wear our street clothes out, casual clothes, and birds are like "Oh, you look so nice! You're dressed up!"
William: Girls give me a lot of credit for the name William here, even, they're like, "Oooh, it's so English!" It's as easy as an accent and a name.
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Dan: About two years ago, I did. Other people come, my brother and that. This is William's first trip with us. We just thought, and not based on that movie, but in general, "Why go to Vegas and make things hard?" Everyone there is trying to show off, money and that.
Chris: But in America in, say, Arizona, or wherever, it's absolute nothingness! You know, in Westchester, Pennsylvania, it's forest for miles.
Carl: It's that pull. That pull of being foreign, of being English, that's a big pull here.
Chris: Right. Like, Alabama is the best place!
William: A British accent is nothing [in San Diego,] but middle America? It's the best tool in the world.What was the first city you guys went to? How was that successful enough to keep coming back?
Chris: West Virginia, where the university is. Morgantown. One of the girls, she's from New Jersey, she came to mine this year for Christmas. I mean, we were in the sorority houses, taking pictures with the, what do you call them?
Carl: The letters! Anchors. They've got the big anchor and all the silly Greek things and that.
Chris: Right. It was like, mad. The girls all wanted to go out with us, ask us about England, imitate our accents, get us to say words—
Dan: Oh, that's the fucking worst! If I hear one more girl do a British accent, mate.
Chris: But it was just mad. Of course when you realize you can get treated like, near a celebrity here for no reason, you're going to keep coming back. So we do, we bring more guys along, everyone has a great time. The girls want photos, they want videos, they want to tell their friends. It's like, us and them, we're providing each other with an experience. A story.
Dan: Everyone has fun. No harm to it.
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Dan: No. There's no lying apart from fun lying, like white lies. Sometimes we'll say we're writers from British GQ and that we're here to write a story about how women date and party in the U.S. You know: "What are your names? Are you single? Oh yeah, OK, can we ask you some questions? Are you going out later? Where? Oh, is that fun? Lot of girls there? Can we tag along, see what it's like, you know, sociologically?"
Chris: And we have fake names, sometimes. To play it up. Archie, Harry, Ramsey. Will hasn't got one. Picture this: you're in Alabama, and girls are like, what're your names? And we're like, Archie, Cecil, Ramsey, Danny. They're like "awww!" like we've just brought out a small animal! All girls love the name Archie. Sometimes we're in a band. We say, "I play the guitar" and play 'em the Arctic Monkeys and they say, "Oh, you're so good! You've got two million plays on Spotify!" Or, I have this tattoo of three stars. I say each star represents a fallen brother, cause I'm a firefighter.
William: It's bollocks!
Chris: But who cares? They don't know. It's harmless.When you guys were going to the southern states, like Alabama, or West Virginia, in these bars, what was that like compared to San Diego?
Chris: Super different. You can be the center of attention. So, we talk really loud. Yell across, "Oi, Dan, what are we doing later?" That's when you see them crane their necks, and that's when you look at them and say something like, "Oh, I didn't know there were Victoria's Secret models in Alabama!" Something cheesy. I'm the sacrificial lamb, like, every time. I embarrass myself and then the other guys come in and pick up the pieces. Next thing you know, they're coming home for Christmas. I mean, I'm literally average. Everyone says I look like Michael Cera! Google it! I do! But I'll speak to every girl here, same game. I know a stat about every state and every movie.
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Chris: American girls are so friendly. For example, I'm in Westchester, Pennsylvania, going to get my hair cut. I'm chattin' up the hair dresser, she asks me to come out with her for the night. I'm like "brilliant!" She brings me out, she's like, "This is my mom! This is my dad!" I'm thinkin, "Yeah, I'm gonna get my fuckin' greencard!" Then she walks me over to this guy like, this fuckin' geezer with a potbelly and she's like, "this is my boyfriend!" That would never happen in England! Girls wouldn't think I wanted to go out with them to meet their family! But it happens all the time!How do you feel about pickup artists?
Chris: We're not [pickup artists]. We're like, fun-loving English people having a good time. We don't fuck anyone over.
Dan: Right. We all have regular professions. I mean, this is tourism. We just do it more regularly.How many American girls have you slept with? Each?
Carl: Oh, I don't keep track.
Dan: Yeah, I don't think any of us have. I couldn't tell you how many in the last three months.
Chris: I mean, A lot.
William: Oh, like, five. Only.How long are you going to do this for? 'Til you fall in love?
Chris: To be honest, I just take it a day as it comes. I don't like, plan my life. I don't plan on what's going to happen on these trips.Do you tell anyone you do this?
Chris: Yeah. Everyone at work knows.
Dan: We keep a low profile, though. We have real lives. We don't wanna be judged.
Chris: My parents know I do well.Have you ever had a girlfriend in all this?
Chris: When I went to Athens, Georgia. I was really good! I behaved. After we broke up, I went on spring break in Panama City. Nine girls. Five days.Follow Crissy on Twitter.