As a British person who doesn’t watch any television other than RuPaul’s Drag Race and the occasional Netflix box set, I know next to nothing about the US national anthem. I do, however, know two things: A) that it is usually sang before any big televised sporting event over there and B) a lot of people take it very, very seriously. I hadn’t thought about either of these facts for quite some time. Until yesterday, that is, when someone Whatsapped me one word – “Fergie” – and within 30 seconds I had Googled her name and was watching the beloved Black Eyed Peas alumna wail her way through “Star Spangled Banner” with the same kind of slow, manic intensity that is usually reserved for when you realise you’re alone in the house and can scream the Titanic theme tune in your underwear in peace. In case you haven’t seen this iconic historical document, please, press play below.
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For some reason, some people didn’t like it, and she has since issued an apology via TMZ. "I've always been honoured and proud to perform the national anthem,” she told them, “and last night I wanted to try something special for the NBA. I'm a risk taker artistically, but clearly this rendition didn't strike the intended tone. I love this country and honestly tried my best."I don’t know why she’s apologising. She is a “risk taker artistically” and her performance reflects that: it was fucking LIT. It actually surpasses that time Sarah Harding from Girls Aloud scream-sang Mariah Carey’s “Hero” on Celebrity Big Brother while wearing a golden backwards cap, and nearly surpasses the time Fergie herself did all those one-handed front flips in leather trousers while also roaring, which, fair play. If she had done that on Drag Race, RuPaul would have squeezed out a tear from her immaculate face while Michelle Visage jabbed one acrylic nail at Fergie, tits trembling, and said “you earned this girl.” So, IDK, maybe it was just the wrong audience? Also, there have been way worse performances of the US national anthem. Like, way worse. It’s practically tradition now. Maybe they should apologise instead. To prove our point, us good people at Noisey decided to list them all for you:I lowkey love “Can’t Stop” as much as the next person in their mid-twenties who used to watch MTV2 at their richer mates’ houses, but this clip of Flea playing “The Star Spangled Banner” on bass and only bass is a prime example of old white dudes getting away with doing the absolute least. Swear to God I saw someone’s dad do something similar at a car boot sale in Grimsby recently, but nobody took their hat off and he didn’t triumphantly punch the sky and “whoop” afterwards, he just sloped off.
Flea at an LA Lakers Game, 2014
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Scott Stapp of Creed at the Nascar Ford 400 race, 2005
Roseanne Barr at a Major League Baseball game, 1990
Steven Tyler at the 2001 Indy 500
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Victoria Zarlenga at Scotland v USA Football Friendly, 2012
Alexis Normand at the Memorial Cup, 2013
Have you ever been shagging someone and thought, ‘I’ve got to get this over and done with, really thought the kissing was good but now I would much rather be asleep,’ so sort of sped through your go-to moves? Alexis Normand walked out onto the ice before this 2013 Memorial Cup ice hockey game and did the musical equivalent of that. In her defence, she's French-Canadian so: A) doesn’t normally sing in this language and; B) probably never even knew the lyrics to "The Star Spangled Banner" because those of us outside the US have our own songs to memorise. In defence of all that is good about live music, Alexis should've just kept fighting through. Instead she stopped, took a breath, exhaled into the mic and then shakily tried again. Singing in gibberish. All respect to her for finishing, though.