Debunking All the Nonsense from the Tory Party Conference

The Conservative Party Conference finished on Wednesday, and some of the bullshit they’ve been peddling is almost unbelievable, until you realize it’s all they’ve got left to cling on to now. Here’s a rundown of some of the most unhinged nonsense that came out of their mouths last week – all debunked, in case you need to argue with your racist Tory relatives anytime soon.

Transport Secretary Mark Harper used some of his speech to rally against 15-minute cities. For those who aren’t already aware, the 15-minute city is an urban planning idea that’s been taken on by conspiracy theory groups as a way for sinister global elites to control our movements, as opposed to the theory that it’s nice to be able to, er, cycle or walk to a supermarket and a school in a quarter of an hour from your house. 

Harper also accused local councils of imposing “blanket” 20mph speed zones – another lie, as almost all of these zones were introduced by default. When Tory junior minister Andrew Bowie was quizzed about Harper’s idea by the BBC, surprise surprise – he couldn’t name a UK council seeking to restrict people’s access to shops, and was only able to fall back on the idea that these “conversations were coming up online”. 

Energy Secretary Claire Coutinho was called out by Sky News after she claimed Labour wanted to tax meat – not true. Meanwhile, Environment Secretary Therese Coffey returned to the bendy banana theory, saying she would revoke the EU’s banana regulations and rallied for the right for bananas to look however they should look – despite the fact that Brussels has never imposed a ban on any kind of banana, no matter how messed up they look.

One of the biggest moments of the conference came from Suella Braverman, who had already been called out by members of her own party for an “alarmist” speech in Washington DC about the “existential challenge” posed by illegal migration. At the Tory conference, she stated that she believes in the “hard-working, commonsense majority against the few… the privileged woke minority, with their luxury beliefs”. 

Funnily enough, more than half of Rishi Sunak’s cabinet went to private school, making them the privileged minority in the UK, where only 6 percent of the population attend such institutions. Sadly, attending these elite brainwashing facilities failed to make any of them woke, although Sunak does own several luxury properties in the UK and California worth an estimated £15m.

Shortly after axing HS2 railway links to a city that he flew into on a private jet, the Prime Minister – always in touch with the mood of the common people, this guy! – used his conference speech to attack trans people. “We shouldn't get bullied into believing that people can be any sex they want to be,” he told party members. “They can't; a man is a man and a woman is a woman. That's just common sense.”

Despite what the government would like you to believe, the only people getting bullied in the UK on this issue are, unfortunately, trans people. According to the ONS, hate crimes against trans people have increased by 11 percent in a year, and by 186 percent in the last five years. Anyway, if bullying worked, the Tories would have been bullied out of office years ago.  

According to senior Tory Penny Mordaunt, at least, who repeated the phrase 12 times in a speech that recalled your dad’s old copy of Braveheart getting rewound in the family DVD player. What are the Tories fighting for? Unclear. How would they fight for it? Unknown, especially given that the party has systematically curtailed the right to protest over the last few years. Anyway, stand up I guess!! 

The war on woke was also everywhere, with Science Secretary Michelle Donelan launching a campaign to “kick the woke ideology out of science”, whatever that means. When challenged to define what “wokeism” means, she resorted to this highly scientific analogy about buckets: 

All of this was summed up by Green Party MP Caroline Lucas, who called ministers “systematically making stuff up that isn’t happening, doesn’t exist or makes no sense” – just to “rally” against it. 

When it comes to turning back other policies, it’s almost as if the Tories aren’t aware of the fact they’ve been the ones in power for the last 13 years. With Brussels, Brexit and no one else left to blame and a significant fall by 20 percent in the polls, they’re now pulling it out of their arse.