Where is it? The Ecuadorian Embassy, right behind Harrods, so Knightsbridge;
What is there to do locally? Lean out of your balcony once every six months and wave to the adoring crowds who sometimes assemble there; run on the spot on a treadmill while spending 17 hours a day on the internet; inexplicably have Pamela Anderson come round to maybe shag you sometimes and write you poetry;
Alright, how much are they asking? Your total cooperation and five years of freedom;
Sounds very "your landlord doesn't live in the country and you're sharing with three other PhD students in Acton", doesn't it? Let's go deeper: we've seen a few photos of Assange's Big Room, most clearly from this mock-up art project in 2016, and as best I can tell there's no real room for a bed in it. That's because, as Assange told Who magazine in Australia, he sleeps in a toilet due to all the road noise leaking in from the Knightsbridge surroundings:"He ushers me into the modest quarters that have been his home since he entered the embassy. The studio room has space for little more than a mattress on the floor, a rickety shelving unit and a small round table with leatherette chairs. But this is, for the time being at least, a cell of his choosing. So how is he then, living in this small corner of Ecuador with just a shared bathroom and a glossy red kitchen the size of a broom cupboard?"
"And the quietest room is the women's bathroom, the only room that's easy to sleep in. So I thought I'd try and somehow get hold of it and renovate it. Eventually, somewhat reluctantly, the staff relented. They ripped out the toilet. They've been very generous."
There's also not really any kitchen or kitchen surface, which is how Assange ended up spending £9,000 on takeaway in one year alone, according to the Standard in 2013:"Rest has become elusive. 'I work a 17-hour day, seven days a week. Sleep is difficult because of the police movements.' (Certainly his room is noisy.) 'There is an absurdly oppressive police presence, which is not a productive way to deal with the situation. I have a blue sky-light frequency lamp which mimics blue sky shining up to the ceiling. I have to have it on a timer or I am like a battery hen – I stay up all night working,' he smiles.
In the same article the paper reckons Assange lived in £33,800-worth of rent-free living, and cost the police ("AND BY EXTENSION," your dad is roaring, Top Gear on mute while he's on the phone to the council, "AND BY EXTENSION, ME: JOHN Q. TAXPAYER, THE GREAT BRITISH MUG") £11,600 a day up until 2015, when they just sort of stopped guarding him because they figured if he hadn't made a run for it yet, he wasn't going to any time soon.Anyway, this is all just to put your life in perspective: next time you weep in a shower of cold water, or come home to find your puny front door kicked off its hinges, again, or when you get back and find your flatmates have nicked all your Babybels out the fridge and finished the milk, and you are paying £725 a month for this, far more than you can afford, and you can never see any way out, and you're never saving any money and the landlord's just emailed to say he's raising the rent again, third time in 12 months, and you hate this city and you hate the life you live, think: at least you're not spending £9,000 a year on takeaway, costing £12.8 million in police fees and however else much in missed rent, just to be a pale silver boy in the middle of a gilded cage, sleeping peacefully in a women's toilet. At least you've not gone that bad, yet. At least you're not Julian Assange.@joelgolby9,000 pounds. Assange's estimated spending on takeouts since he entered the embassy. Favourites include Wasabi on Knightsbridge, which charges £12.40 to deliver chicken teriyaki temaki, Sunomono salad and Pokka green tea. The whistle-blower's personal wealth is not known, although he reportedly earned £56,000 from WikiLeaks in 2010, and has generated thousands from his unauthorised autobiography published in 2011.