Bankers Are Both Furious and Indifferent About the Quantum ATM

According to its inventor, Jonathon Keats, the idea behind the Quantum Bank is simpler than it might at first sound. Every time someone deposits cash into the quantum bank, a uranium-glass sphere emits an alpha particle. That particle passes through a cylinder inscribed with seven billion microscopic boxes—one “bank account” for each person in the world. However, because the entire quantum ATM is sheathed in metal, according to the principle of “quantum superposition,” the unobservable particle theoretically goes into every account—making us all rich with quantum money.

Quantum superposition does not however insulate this particular banking system from things like, say, robbery. Just days after it opened, in a dingy basement beneath Rockefeller Center (it is only accessible during office hours), someone cruised by and swiped the cash deposits that were lying around unprotected.

Fortunately, the ATM only dispenses quantum banknotes—little slips of paper with cute little stamps on them. "It wasn't a problem," said Keats. "I simply withdrew and redeposited quantum notes a few times, multiplying them, replenishing the bank's reserves. That's one of the advantages of quantum banking: No need for expensive security measures."

Keats, who writes a column for Wired magazine about neologisms, has made a living out of dabbling with new stuff. His experiments have included genetically engineering God and creating pornography for plants.

There is no clear objective, per se, to the Quantum ATM—that would, after all, subvert the quantum part of it. But like Schroedinger's Cat, it's a worthwhile thought experiment, and not just for the world's cash-strapped physicists, but for its financiers as well. "Disruption" is in the air like pollen these days, and even if Bitcoin is itself an art project, the financial system is looking increasingly in need of something.

But since 99% of the people actually involved in the finance industry will never hear about the quantum ATM, I decided to hunt down that one percent—the power suit-wearing moguls passing through the dismal catacombs of one of New York's finest temples of modern capitalism—and find out what they thought about this quantum challenge to their status-quo.

Bankers are nothing if not (mostly) discreet. The ones I met scoffed when I asked if they’d let me snap their photo. None of them gave me their (real) last names. Below are their responses, alongside Jonathon’s own answers to the same questions.

Mark, Market Analyst

Fernando, Equity Capital Markets

Stanilaus Gaulwitz, Security Director

Jonathon Keats, the experimental philosopher behind the quantum ATM

Motherboard: Would you deposit your money into this ATM?
Mark: I can’t say.

Fernando: I wouldn’t because it’s sort of communism. If everyone has a million dollars, a million dollars isn’t worth anything. You’re making everyone poorer at the same time that you’re making everyone rich. You’re destroying one dollar at the same time that you’re making one dollar.

Stanilaus Gaulwitz: I don’t like uranium being across the street from me. I wouldn’t go near it. What is quantum money? Is it real or counterfeit money? Sounds like a gimmick. Is it real uranium?

Jonathon Keats: I personally have opened an account, and deposited a dollar in the bank. On that basis, I was able to withdraw a quantum, as were the fourteen other account-holders registered with the bank at the time. So far I've spent only one, as a tip at a hamburger joint we went to after the launch of the bank.

There are many reasons to deposit your money at the Quantum Bank. The most important, I think, is that reality is quantum, and therefore the Quantum Bank is the only financial institution based on reality.

Another good reason to deposit your money at the Quantum Bank is that a deposit is an act of generosity that costs you nothing, and everyone gets the money, including you. That's a lot better than the average tax write-off.

Is the quantum ATM a joke, conceptual art, a thought experiment, or…a viable alternative to our current banking system?

Mark: I don’t know enough about it to make that judgment.

Fernando: I think it’s a philosophical experience. Even though I disagree, I think it’s an interesting point that’s worth debating. I just think that financially, by giving something to everybody, nobody has anything. Capitalism is what motivates people. If you have a box, work to make sure your own box gets filled, rather than waiting for someone else to fill your box.

Stanilaus: I get a lot of jokes out of it. Do you have a box where you can check off “laughable”?

Jonathon: All of my projects are thought experiments. They're attempts to explore ideas in an open-ended way, encouraging others to be involved in the thought process. For that reason I call myself an experimental philosopher rather than a conceptual artist or a comedian. Yet while the Quantum Bank isn't a joke, I'm gratified when people laugh. When you laugh, you're letting down your guard, and opening yourself up to ideas that you might refuse to consider in a more serious mood.

Would you be more interested if the ATM used Bitcoins instead of quantum notes?

Mark: I don’t know enough about Bitcoins.

Fernando: Bitcoins and quantum notes to me are conceptually the same thing. They’re both virtual currencies. I wouldn’t see any difference.

Stanilaus: No. They’ve been looking for alternative banking systems for years.

Jonathon: The quantum bank was robbed last night. Oddly, and all that the bank robbers took were a few dollars, leaving behind the much thicker stack of quantum cash. Apparently some people still think that quantum money isn't as good as greenbacks.

If Bitcoins were in the bank's deposit drawer, they’d probably have been taken as well. But Bitcoins, like dollars, aren't quantum. They're Newtonian. They can be in only one account or pocket at a time. So even though they’d probably be more popular, they would only reinforce the old economy and the incentive to criminality that belongs to present-day economic systems.

Does the quantum ATM challenge any of your ideas about finance?

Mark: It doesn’t make me feel anything. I’m completely indifferent.

Fernando: Yeah, it makes me think about socialism vs. capitalism, and what the real value of money is. It’s a good point for him to raise. But I just don’t agree with it. I think by giving everyone the same thing, you’re actually destroying, not creating.

Stanilaus : URANIUM. They use depleted uranium in munitions and that causes all sorts of health problems for the military. If this is real uranium, then it’s a problem. “I’m sure it’s okay”…no, no. it’s against the law. Why are you laughing?

Jonathon: My interest in this project is to explore the nature of money and how economies work, as well as how we understand the inexplicable weirdness of quantum physics. I'm trying to do that by creating a sort of alternate reality where the weirdness of quantum physics and the strangeness of macroeconomics collide. They're such different realms that each can potentially up-end our thinking about the other.

Can art be its own form of currency? What is the difference between using a painting as a kind of currency vs. using a quantum note?

Mark: Sure. It has a market, so it’s a commodity in itself.

Fernando : Of course. Art is a way of creating wealth. If people like it, they’re willing to pay a million dollars for something that someone else took two hours to create. So you just created a million dollars. It’s a form of production.

Stanilaus: What’s the aesthetic quality of a quantum bank note? Does it have something to say? Can I buy it for $500 and have it be worth $5000 in ten years? I don’t see it. It looks like a bunch of tin foil on a box.

Jonathon: Art can literally be a form of currency, and a number of artists, from Marcel Duchamp to JSG Boggs, have explored this idea. I admire their work, but in my quantum bank, I'm not really interested in art at all… In fact, if quantum banknotes were coveted as art, that would be a serious problem since it would impede their circulation as cash. The banknotes represent value and don't have value in their own right. That's why they can be the basis of a quantum economy. Hoarding the quantum banknotes or framing them behind glass would achieve nothing in the realm of quantum economics. Though I certainly wouldn't mind if someone managed to convince Larry Gagosian to sell a Koons for quantum cash, since that would be a matter of finance.

@michellelhooq