This Notebook Will Make You Cry for Some Reason

While you may have never been moved to tears by your writing supplies before, but, “that ends yesterday.” As Thomas, the CEO of Mangus Ferreus, explains in his Steve Jobs-esque pitch presentation, the Onion Note is a “revolutionary, emotional notebook. A notebook that will make you cry just by writing in it.”

When it was announced, I didn't really understand what the iPad was for. And in a similar manner, I'm not sure why you would want a notebook that makes your eyes well up every time you write in it. But the iPad was a success, so we can only assume that everyone's going to buy an Onion Note too. Right?

As you write on the page, Sumitra at Oddity Central explained, the allyl propyl compound on the paper's surface gets vaporized, gets in your eyes and makes you cry in an chopping-onion manner. The new technology is called “FV,” and Thomas calls it “the ultimate writing sensation.” He also boasts that the onion-laden paper is just .024 mms thick, which isn't onion-like, but instead, is fairly thick by paper standards, and is way thicker than onionskin paper. It's possible that Thomas said “millimeters” by mistake, something that's understandable when you consider that paper is measured in “micrometers” or “mils” and it seems like English isn't his first language.

Anyway, in case you're curious how it looks when it works, Mangus Ferreus made some ads that presumably will air in Japan. Check this guy who is inexplicably moved by the banal:

And this woman, who is noting only that there is pudding in the fridge:

I'm not sure I really understand this ad campaign. Crying while you're just writing down normal stuff seems like a downside. It seems like the real utility for this product is deception: Faking sadness while jotting down what you've just inherited from a rich but unlikeable relative, for instance, or (just off the top of my head) getting away with murder.

I'm sure there are literally dozens of other uses for the Onion Note. And until the keyboard that shocks you while you type comes out, making you cry is something a notebook can do that an iPad can't.