The internet is full of new and exciting startups promising all manner of innovative solutions to our everyday problems. Unfortunately, many of these companies never manage to master the difficult engineering and/or manufacturing processes to turn their ideas into usable products.
So it is with great admiration that I present to you shitexpress.com, a company that both promises and, indeed, delivers literal poop to any address in the world.
The personalized letter was no frills (like the packaging), but effective nonetheless. Image: Author
Internet-based shit delivery services are not necessarily new, but they are, unfortunately, hit or miss. What points Poopsenders.com wins for variety of species (cow, elephant, gorilla), it loses for requiring a credit card, casting doubt on whether the company can truly guarantee anonymity (in a post-Snowden world, no less). Ipoopyou suffers from that same conundrum, while also having an extremely long legal disclaimer that turns me off from the endeavor entirely. Mailpoop.com pioneered the industry in the early 2000s, but it, unfortunately, has since been lapped by these new competitors and has closed up shop.
That brings us to Shit Express, an unpretentious shit delivery service that will deliver poop anywhere in the world, with a personalized message, no questions asked. For the Bitcoin equivalent of €12.95 (.05 BTC at the moment), someone, presumably in Slovenia, will send horse shit (other animals are planned) in plain, cute, or ceremonial packaging.
Not one to opt for all the bells and whistles available to modern society, and without any true enemies at the moment, I decided to mail one (1) piece of horseshit to myself in one (1) plain package.
Today, just two weeks after I originally placed my order (no receipt!), said shit arrived as promised. It was declared at customs as a “Halloween Gag Gift,” but really, it was more than that, to me at least. Its safe, timely, and as-advertised arrival renewed my faith in today’s new crop of internet startups. And that’s no joking matter.
I Will Open Anything is a semi-regular unboxing video in which I open things that are mailed to me.