It’s easy to be a sadist in games like Rollercoaster Tycoon, designing coasters intended to hurtle your tiny ride-goers into certain destruction. It’s akin to waiting for your Sims to go swimming and deleting the pool ladder.
But at least one user is focusing on building coasters so slow, that take so long to complete, passengers would starve to death well before they reached the finish. One unnamed user recently posted his latest creation to 8chan. Named “Kairos - The Slow,” the coaster would theoretically take 210 real-life days and 3,000 years of in-game time to complete.
Like with 4chan, 8chan posts get buried very quickly and eventually deleted, but this one lasted long enough for someone to post its content to Tumblr (via Killscreen). As the original post explained, the anonymous tycoon had realized that in the game, coasters never roll to a stop, no matter how slow they’re going. As long as the track is at a consistent, level height, the speed comes closer and closer to zero, but never reaches it.
“With this in mind I [built] a spiral track on the biggest map," the creator of the coaster wrote. "The train comes out of the station and hits breaks with slow it down to 4mph [sic]. Then it travels along the track, always losing speed but never stopping, until it gets to the center, where it rolls back and does the spiral again until it gets back to the station.”
The post also contains video of the nightmare ride in action.
The same evil mastermind designed another coaster called The Wheel of Life and Death, which can be seen in the video above, backed by appropriately creepy Gregorian chants. This coaster takes 60 real-time hours to complete, but it’s nothing compared to Kairos.