​‘Oregon Patriots Occupied My Butt’: A Review of Topical Erotica

From the author of Pounded By Pluto: The Crappiest Planet, Invaded By the iWatch, and Sex Boat: An Erotic Novella About Sex on a Boat, comes the new short story, Oregon Patriots Occupied My Butt.

Leonard Delaney is one of my favorite perverts currently living. I'm not sure what artistic epoch we currently live in—post-postmodern, post-irony, or some other bullshit entirely—but Delaney seems to have tapped into something with his short erotic fiction that takes on absurd topical subjects. It's satire through the lens of sucking and fucking, grown in Amazon's completely bonkers self-published erotica scene.

Motherboard interviewed Delaney back in November when he released Pounded By Pluto, where a fictionalized Neil Degrasse Tyson actually makes love with the planet, which turns out to be a sentient being. Now Delaney is back with a roman à clef set in a thinly-veiled Malheur National Wildlife Refuge (Delaney renamed it the Bill Maher Memorial Wildlife Refuge), where our protagonist, Cap, searches for meaning and self-discovery amongst the hairy, flabby, horny occupiers.

Since early January, a group of armed, disgruntled Westerners have been living in several government buildings in Oregon's Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, protesting the government's ownership of the land. Back when the Western territories were seeking statehood, part of the deal was turning over tracts of land to the government, but the militiamen believe that the federal land should be returned to the ranchers and loggers, based on a single clause in the legislation. The occupiers say they're prepared to stay as long as possible, and keep digging in their heels. This point in the narrative is where Delaney's story opens.

Cap starts out somewhat confused about his sexuality. Delaney introduces him by saying, "Part of him was comfortable being a traditional God-fearing man who cared for his family, protecting them from all the foreigners putting his way of life at risk. Yet, another part of him yearned for something different, like being friends with that cute Latino guy at work."

So Cap dons a Captain America costume and hits the road, accidentally ending up in the middle of a standoff between the militia and the US Government. He soon discovers that the occupiers have installed faux-vaginas in their guns, so they can fuck their guns, which are named things like "Manifest Destiny" and "Madame Liberty."

Naturally, this leads to a gay orgy when militia leader, Aimon, announces that the group had better "try out some homo stuff to make sure there ain't no secret fags around." What follows is a beautiful passage on sexual fluidity:

Cap raised his butt in the air. The confusion about his identity was lifting. He loved his wife and family, but he also loved being occupied in the butt by a fake militia. And he didn't have to choose! Captain America could be all things at the same time; diversity was his identity.

While Delaney's messages about the acceptance of all sexual orientations, the absurdity of gun fever, and the futility of anti-government standoffs will most likely not go over well with anyone who's not already on his side of the issues, it doesn't really matter. The gymnastic lengths Delaney has to go to in order to satirize real current events successfully highlights how far into the outfield our current events have already traveled, and that's the main point of a work like Oregon Patriots Occupied My Butt. I think.