I Can't Stop Reading This Elderly Couple's Tech Review Column

While doing some Googling for an article, I came across the work of Bob and Joy Schwabach, a husband-and-wife duo that reviews new technology for the Arkansas Democrat Gazette and the Worcester, Massachusetts Telegram.

Bob is pushing 80 and Joy is right there with him—their columns are utterly endearing and hilarious, kind of like the writing of Marilyn Hagerty, the 80-something Grand Forks Herald columnist whose review of a new Olive Garden went viral a couple years back. Bob and Joy are the Marilyn Hagerty’s of tech writing, and I can’t stop reading their work.

Both of the Schwabachs have some serious chops in journalism—Bob spent time at the Philadelphia Inquirer, Daily News, and Chicago Tribune and is a former food writer, while Joy is a web designer who has been contributing to small papers around the country for years.

They’re nothing if not prolific: They’ve written thousands of posts on their website, “On Computers,” about everything from 3D printing and robotics to podcasts, Vine, government surveillance, and GETTING THE PICTURE OFF THE PHONE. The tone of their pieces are kind of like what’d you expect if your grandma was explaining Google Glass or WhatsApp to her friends, assuming your grandma also happens to be a savvy, witty tech blogger. Let’s take a look at some of them, shall we?

On the Xbox One (which “leaves a lot to be desired”):

We got one because our favorite game ‘Peggle’ is out in a new version that only plays on Xbox One. The other reason was just to keep up to date on what's happening out there … Another possible deal breaker: poor video playback on the Web. We went to ’60 Minutes Overtime’ at CBS.com, for example, and it just hung there and never did load the video.

On Vine:

And now for a brief whacko journey to whacko-land. It has to be brief, because it's on the Vine and only lasts six seconds … There is some filtering of these videos by somebody somewhere because you don't see any pornography. What, you mean some people send six seconds of pornography? Welcome to the real world … Don't tap on the "all posts" category if you want to avoid the occasional porn video.

On Google Glass:

In case you’ve been wondering about the coming of “Google Glass,” let us clear the view. Google Glass is the latest in eyewear. Some call it ‘Google on your face.’ … This is early days for Google Glass – in fact as early as you can get – but the potential seems huge. We’re not converts yet, but we’re older than the target market.

On Facebook Privacy:

Do you ever wish you’d saved a copy of your most brilliant remarks on Facebook? Who doesn’t? What wit, what style, what delicate subtlety. Or maybe not. Anyway, all that stuff is still there — as well as every photo and video you ever posted.

On LOL:

LOL is texting shorthand for Laughing Out Loud; OMG is a common abbreviation for Oh My God or Oh My Gosh. You see them all the time in phone messages and social networking.

On the true location of the lost city of Atlantis:

Atlantis was real all right, and it will be found where its remains still lie, in the sands and hills around Lake Chad. Some modern evidence hints strongly of this.

On government surveillance:

Bob suggests that our government offer its own free browser and privacy protection. That way whatever you read or write can go directly to the National Security Agency and they can save a lot of money on hiring snoopers.

On AOL:

We teased our brother because he still had an AOL account. AOL – the acronym for America Online – was the Internet search engine used by the ancients. Those who are hip, fast-moving and aware use Gmail and thinking about the new Facebook messaging system to come.  But the new word is AOL is about to get hipper.

On old people:

We gave our 89 year-old aunt an iPad recently, her first ever computer of any kind. It not only baffles her, what’s worse is none of her senior friends and neighbors can figure it out either … Our aunt has developed what we might call a work-around for her iPad: If she likes a picture that came in, she takes a picture of the picture, with her camera. She then makes a printout of the picture with her printer, and mails it to us. Why doesn’t she just email the picture on the screen in the first place? That’s too far, too fast.

On mining Bitcoin:

You need virtual drilling equipment, but at least it doesn’t drip hydraulic fluid.

It goes on and on—there’s a treasure trove of takes on anything that has been news in the tech world over the last six years or so, as seen through the lenses of two extremely earnest, seniors. And, given the results of some recent studies, lots of people need a service like this. Let’s hope they keep writing On Computers.