FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Tech

Donald Trump, We've Solved Your Diet

Trump dislikes wasting time eating food that isn't fast. Thankfully, we live in THE FUTURE.
Derek Mead
Image: AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill

Earlier this week, the New York Times ran a story about Donald Trump's diet that I haven't been able to get out of my head. While Trump's thought process normally seems powered by a bingo machine of offensive, outrageous, or simply erroneous statements, here's one reason to feel for the guy:

Though he often orders from the Trump Grill when working out of Trump Tower in Manhattan, he eats fast food several times a week while on the road because "it's quick," as he told The Daily Mail last year while munching on Burger King on his Boeing 757-200.
Mr. Trump has even suggested doing away with state dinners, in a fit of cost and time savings. "We should be eating a hamburger on a conference table, and we should make better deals with China and others and forget the state dinners," he said.
A man always prone to distraction and uninterested in small details, he has never approached food as anything other than a problem to be solved, quickly, as Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey, an occasional dining partner,once told The Washington Examiner.

Advertisement

Trump is certainly not unique in viewing food as a "problem to be solved." All of us have just crammed something down our gullet at one time or another just because we're hungry, and the campaign trail isn't exactly filled with time for expansive meals. But come on! That Trump eats only fast food purely for convenience—and because he, as a known germaphobe, thinks it's cleaner and more consistent than other alternatives—hardly jives with the veneer of premium living that he's slathered over his life like tartar sauce on a Filet-O-Fish.

I've been thinking about Trump's problem all week and it really boils down to three factors: Trump needs sustenance, delivered quickly, and preferably in an upscale fashion. Thankfully, the tech industry has already solved food. What better option for Trump than Soylent, the upscale definitely-not-Ensure meal replacement that's made nutrient slurries hip again?

Trump's public embrace of fast food is also clear signaling that he, too, is just an everyday American. Fast food is America writ fried, no doubt about that, but a switch to Soylent would send the message that Trump believes in the economy of the future, in disruptive entrepreneurship, and would finally make the Peter Thiel endorsement make sense. (Plus at least it's got fiber; with his current diet, I'm willing to bet Trump is literally full of shit, and could do well to slide some Soylent into his BMs.)

That said, Soylent's staid packaging isn't enough for a guy who eats KFC off fine china. No matter, Mr. Trump! Let us present you with Soylent Premium, perfect for a jetsetting lifestyle. Normally we'd charge $14.99 a bottle, but for this time only, we'll set you up at the Diamond rate of $179.99 a case.

Image: Derek Mead/Motherboard

Tagged:FoodsoylentOpinionmotherboard showFuture foodsTechMotherboard
0
Advertisement