Heroes are rare in this vapid hellscape that we call Earth in 2015. But in Portugal, one intrepid canine/Sith Lord is shaking off the shackles of evil in a new pursuit of destruction of the Dark Side.In a time when many of us are gripped by a crushing malaise, watching our phone's battery meter decline into nothingness all too rapidly, while wrapped in a variety of musty blankets because the landlord is going cheap on the heat, Dog Vader is one of the few reasons to keep going we have left.As evidenced in the footage above, which was only released today, Dog Vader's change of heart has not come easy. With the entirety of the Dark Side coming to either kill him or bring him back into the fold, Dog Vader is staring down a future of destruction or death. One thing is guaranteed: This pooch is pissed."I've been through some mood disturbances lately," Dog Vader told me in a Gchat earlier today. "I've been trying to control my fear. But my anger keeps coming back."I asked Dog Vader if he's feeling nervous about the task ahead, in which he plans to single-handedly destroy one of the strongest evil empires left in the universe while also being incredibly adorable."Sorry for my spelling, paws weren't made for iPhones," he wrote. "It was the first time that I stood up against the StormPoodles. So I was a bit nervous because they bark too loud and I have sensitive ears."
"The Rottweiler Palpatine won't stop until I'm back to the dark side of the breed," he added.Tim Ruivo, an associate of Dog Vader who posted the video above, said that the transition from evil lord to deliverer of justice has been emotionally draining on the pup.Asked if it's been difficult for Dog Vader, Ruivo, who is also Portuguese, said, "Quite a bit, he's in a decision time. Trying to break free.""Right now he is in a deep state of consciousness," Ruivo added. "He is saying strange things about a lost son and daughter. But he is still a virgin."At the end of the video, Dog Vader's frustration spills over to the point that he, with a reckless disregard for his own safety, begins gnawing on his own lightsaber. Dog Vader told me that there's no better evidence of his fury at the Galactic Empire and his resolve to destroy it."I was so enraged that I was biting the Dark Side out of everything," he said. "Now the light from my lightsaber is more greenish…"
Advertisement