For most of this week, a "meteorite strike" that caused a brushfire in my hometown was the only thing my high school friends and family were talking about on Facebook and Twitter—it even made international news.After putting out the fire, the Bowie, Maryland Volunteer Fire Department tweeted a photo of a massive crater in the woods and called it a "possible meteorite strike." The news picked it up, it went viral on Facebook and Twitter. Soon enough, NASA was involved. The agency quickly said quite definitively that meteorites do not cause fires because they cool after entering our atmosphere.
Advertisement
After a public apology from the fire department, the whole discussion went away as quickly as it had spread through social media.I'm not ready to let this one go, though. I have just one question: What the hell happened here?
As you'll see in this photo, there is a positively massive crater in the middle of the woods, and officials are operating on the principle that it was "dug by hand." This crater is, according to the fire department, "12-15 feet wide by 5-6 feet deep." The cause of the fire is "undetermined," but the local CBS affiliate is saying that the meteorite theory is a "hoax" and that "arson is suspected."After conferring with NASA and the American Meteor Society, both of which responded politely but kind of exasperatedly to my questions, I am willing to accept that there was no meteor strike. However, I am not willing or able to live in a world where newscasters can casually suggest that a human or group of humans dug a "bizarre crater" in the middle of the woods and lit the damn forest on fire without asking any additional questions.Here are some facts:- The two-acre fire started at 6PM on Sunday behind an entirely boring and normal suburban street located across from a mostly dying strip mall with an Outback Steakhouse and a sweet comic book store.- The crater is just a few hundred feet into the woods, not far from a pretty well-trafficked area of said boring suburban street, where people digging holes in the woods would probably be spotted (everything fun in Bowie is spotted). It's also near a popular trail.
Advertisement
- The Bowie Volunteer Fire Department showed up and 15 firefighters spent four hours putting out the fire. Local media reported that "the fire was started by a group of kids and when it got out of control they made up a story about the meteorite." The Bowie Volunteer Fire Department ran with the story.- No arrests have been reported, the Prince George's County Fire Department (which has taken over the case) have not released a cause for the fire, did not return my phone calls, and these teens have not been heard from at all. WHERE ARE THE TEENS?- I and everyone I know spent the majority of my childhood Not Going Into The Woods, because these suburban woods are boring with practically no cool animals in them SAVE FOR a mythological beast called Goatman, a half-goat, half-man experiment gone wrong from the nearby USDA.- Mere days after the fire, a Baltimore NBC affiliate ran this story from nearby Laurel.
A theory: There were no teens. Teens don't go in those particular woods because they're not even good for doing teen things. Said teens would have been spotted, or interviewed, or arrested. There are better places for teens to smoke and give handjobs to each other in Bowie, such as the delightful Regal Cinema or the practically abandoned Marketplace mall down the street.Alternate theory: The Goatman—who knows nothing about astrophysics but who is good at remaining undetected—ate these teens and their bones, burned whatever was left of their clothes, then left a bunch of meteorite-looking rocks in his giant crater trap in an attempt to frame the heavens for his crime.Look, I'm not saying the Goatman definitely caused this fire but I think we'd be remiss to not at least consider the possibility. If you know anything more about the fire please email me ASAP and call my parents if you believe they're in any sort of danger.
ONE EMAIL. ONE STORY. EVERY WEEK. SIGN UP FOR THE VICE NEWSLETTER.
By signing up, you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy & to receive electronic communications from Vice Media Group, which may include marketing promotions, advertisements and sponsored content.
As you'll see in this photo, there is a positively massive crater in the middle of the woods, and officials are operating on the principle that it was "dug by hand." This crater is, according to the fire department, "12-15 feet wide by 5-6 feet deep." The cause of the fire is "undetermined," but the local CBS affiliate is saying that the meteorite theory is a "hoax" and that "arson is suspected."After conferring with NASA and the American Meteor Society, both of which responded politely but kind of exasperatedly to my questions, I am willing to accept that there was no meteor strike. However, I am not willing or able to live in a world where newscasters can casually suggest that a human or group of humans dug a "bizarre crater" in the middle of the woods and lit the damn forest on fire without asking any additional questions.Here are some facts:- The two-acre fire started at 6PM on Sunday behind an entirely boring and normal suburban street located across from a mostly dying strip mall with an Outback Steakhouse and a sweet comic book store.- The crater is just a few hundred feet into the woods, not far from a pretty well-trafficked area of said boring suburban street, where people digging holes in the woods would probably be spotted (everything fun in Bowie is spotted). It's also near a popular trail.
- The Bowie Volunteer Fire Department showed up and 15 firefighters spent four hours putting out the fire. Local media reported that "the fire was started by a group of kids and when it got out of control they made up a story about the meteorite." The Bowie Volunteer Fire Department ran with the story.- No arrests have been reported, the Prince George's County Fire Department (which has taken over the case) have not released a cause for the fire, did not return my phone calls, and these teens have not been heard from at all. WHERE ARE THE TEENS?- I and everyone I know spent the majority of my childhood Not Going Into The Woods, because these suburban woods are boring with practically no cool animals in them SAVE FOR a mythological beast called Goatman, a half-goat, half-man experiment gone wrong from the nearby USDA.- Mere days after the fire, a Baltimore NBC affiliate ran this story from nearby Laurel.