At Least America Is Good at Robot Soccer

The US soccer team may be physically incapable of getting further than the quarter finals of any given World Cup, but at least we are winners at robot soccer. Since 2000, we've won the RoboCup, where teams build soccer bots that compete under FIFA regulation rules, three times. Three. Guess how many times Belgium has won? None. Zero.

So, as you sadly sip the remainder of your warming beer in that sports bar you suddenly noticed is awkward, dank, and smells faintly of urine, just remember this: In America, we don't use humans to win at soccer. We build robots to do it for us.

Then we go and give them to DARPA, which inevitably turns them into autonomous killing machines. U-S-A.