"This might be a good time for Republicans to redouble their commitment to the reality-based community." - David Brooks, NY Times, 11/7/12------------------------------------Greetings! In light of this week's election, your local GOP committee is sending out this quiz to gauge our party's commitment to reality. As a registered Republican, your input is crucial to determining future party direction. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers!A. THE LATINO VOTE…1: Is something we'll need to earn in the next election cycle.2: Is a fad.3: Wouldn't be an issue if Eisenhower had built that wall.4: Is an anagram for "Vain Tootle." Case closed.B. REPUBLICANS LOST WOMEN VOTERS BECAUSE…1: The GOP talked about rape too much.2: The GOP didn't talk about rape enough.3: The GOP forgot to rewrite the Wikipedia entry for the 19th amendment.4: They just kept shrieking and shrieking.C. THE TEA PARTY…1: Limited the options of Republican candidates.2: Should be honored for their pep and zing.3: Will have to work like the A-Team now that the Constitution has been suspended.4: Actually won a majority in both things of Congress. Media? Hello??D. HURRICANE SANDY WAS…1: A national tragedy best kept out of politics.2: A convenient showcase for hyping big government.3: Known about for months, or years, in advance.4: A good use of CGI. Not great. But good.E. THE FISCAL CLIFF IS….1: Something both parties must avoid at all costs.2: 100 percent on the Democrats now.3: A mighty paddle with which America must be spanked.4: A secret location where all the military ballots were tossed.F. STEVEN SPIELBERG'S "LINCOLN" OPENS TODAY. I WILL…1: See it, to remind myself of past Republican glory.2: Avoid it, for portraying a Republican election victory as divisive.3: Boycott it, for portraying the South as having lost the war.4: Dress as it and picket Rite Aid for selling condoms.G. THE PRESIDENT…1: Ran a disciplined campaign.2: Bribed Americans with their own money.3: Bribed Americans with phones, rims, and Boost Mobile gift minutes.4: Lost the popular vote, and thus has no mandate and must live in a hotel.H. THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE….1: Is a relic that gives uneven power to a handful of states.2: Makes us a joke to the rest of the world, something I now care deeply about.3: Is a perfect example of how higher education breeds elitism.4: Would never have happened under Reagan.I. GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE….1: Did what he needed to do to protect his state during a disaster.2: Made a huge tactical error by snubbing his party's candidate.3: Should go blind, but slowly, through gonorrhea, or maggots.4: Is mentioned in the Book of Revelation.J. I AM….1: Sad, shaken, but still thankful for all that I have.2: Stocking up on canned ham and ammo. You know the drill.3: Talking with some Greek guys about starting a chapter of Golden Dawn.4: Just grateful that Romney won.SCORING: Give yourself one point for every number selected.10-19: Only a hippie thinks there are no right or wrong answers on a quiz. Enjoy the Kool-Aid. Have a groovy trip. Not.20-29: With a serious red meat injection, you may just work out.30-40: Reality is a construct. We built it. Shun your Democrat friends and family, roll up your sleeves, and get to work on the 2015 elections. Your party needs you.Previously - Yelping Halloween
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