Beautiful art by Leila Ettachfini
Remember the sweet days of Neko Atsume? The cat-collecting app, released in 2014, has all the elements of a perfect game: soothing music, shopping, and tiny cartoon kitties.The objective of the game is to obtain toys and food, which you use to decorate your home to optimize its cat-appeal. Once you fill your yard with goodies, you lure new feline friends, who languish around your home, moving back and forth like mini-gifs. Each player is equipped with an index that provides crucial information about every cat in the game: their names, appearances, and a one-word description of their personalities. As the cats hang out in your home, you take photos of them to add to your cat index and grow your collection. Then, like all things you love, you let the cats go.Everything about the game is perfect—it is a calm, brief slice of the many-splendored, impermanent enigma of joy.If you've found yourself wanting to revisit the game to cope with life in our bleak, worsening world, here's your chance to carry these digital kitties with you today. I present to you: the signs as rare Neko Atsume cats:Appearance: GoldPersonality: CharismaticRuled by Venus, the planet of love and beauty, Libras are known for being trendy, charming, and flirty as hell—all the elements for a gold and charismatic rare cat!Appearance: MustachioedPersonality: SchemingScorpios are intense water signs who are maligned nearly as often as Geminis. They're known for being sex-obsessed instigators who live for drama, so this cat's scheming ways are a natural match.Appearance: WaitressPersonality: EnthusiasticThe know-it-all of the zodiac, fire sign Sagittarius loves to use whatever they have in their toolbox to help people in all kinds of problems. Though they mean well, their optimism can be overbearing—hence their delegation as Sassy Fran.Appearance: Baseball JerseyPersonality: Team PlayerOften roasted as wet blankets, Capricorns are earth signs known for working hard and playing by the rules….not unlike Joe DiMeowgio.Appearance: EtherealPersonality: Awe-InspiringDescribed as "the alien of the zodiac," air sign Aquarius is known for doing things their own way. They're out of this world—ethereal, if you will.Appearance: Classic SiamesePersonality: NaivePisces, the tender, flakey fish (mmm) tends to live in their feelings—which is also why they can be easy targets for manipulators.Appearance: American ShorthairPersonality: DivaFire sign Aries loves the finer things in life—and won't settle for any less! That's why they're basically the Neko Atsume-equivalent of Anna Wintour.Appearance: ApronPersonality: ArtisanTaurus, ruled by love and beauty planet Venus, is also an earth sign, which means that they feel grounded and at home when they're cozied up with their favorite—and often fancy—things. Artisan indeed!Appearance: SphinxPersonality: RiddlerThough they're often slandered as two-faced, Gemini's ability to switch allegiance is rooted in the fact that it's a cerebral air sign able to see many sides of any situation. Geminis are known for being chatty—and they'll always keep you on your toes.Appearance: Straw CoatPersonality: SensitiveThough fellow water sign Pisces is most roasted for being a crybaby, Cancers are actually the most sensitive sign!!Appearance: PersianPersonality: RegalLeo, the narcissistic fire sign who has the best hair in your friend group, is ruled by the sun—which is why they think they're the center of the universe!Appearance: Western WearPersonality: NihilisticEarth sign Virgo is known for being an analytical over-thinker, which can easily spiral into a constant, low-grade pessimism. Look at this lil nihilistic cutie!!
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Libra: Ms. Fortune
Scorpio: Señor Don Gato
Sagittarius: Sassy Fran
Capricorn: Joe DiMeowgio
Aquarius: Saint Purrtrick
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Pisces: Sapphire
Aries: Lady Meow-Meow
Taurus: Guy Furry
Gemini: Ramses the Great
Cancer: Frosty
Leo: Xerxes IX
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