The Kid Mero's Fourth of July Freedom* Playlist

YO ITS FOURTH OF JULY TOMORROW MY NIGGAS SO I COMPILED A LIST OF MEANINGFUL SONGS FOR YOU TO LISTEN TO TO CAPTURE THE ESSENCE OF THIS WHITE DEVIL HOLIDAY IN ITS MOST PURESTEST FORM. NAHMEAN BECAUSE IF YOU LIKE ME, MUSIC IS INTEGRAL PART OF HOW SHIT DEVELOPS. LIKE YOU COULD BE IN YOUR BEDROOM WITH AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN AND THE MUSIC COULD STEER YOU ONE WAY OR THE OTHER WHEN YOU COME TO THE FORK IN THE ROAD WHERE YOUR PP IS ABOUT TO EMERGE FROM YOUR BOXER BRIEFS. IF YOU'RE LISTENING TO THE-DREAM'S "EQUESTRIAN" (IN THE LIST BTW), YOU BOUT TO GET INTO SOME SERIOUS LUSTY ANILINGUS B. IF YOU LISTENING TO JOE BUDDEN YOU ABOUT TO CRY AND TELL STORIES ABOUT YOUR EX WHILE THIS PREVIOUSLY MOIST WOMAN WILL BECOME DRIER THAN A JESUIT UNIVERSITY CAMPUS. SO TO AVOID YOUR 4TH OF JULY FESTIVITIES FROM TURNING INTO A SHRIVELED DRY VAGINA THAT IS NOT FUN I ASSEMBLED THIS SHORT LIST OF JOINTS THAT YOU COULD PROLLY JUST LOOP (NIGGAS SHOULD BE DRUNK AND HIGH SO THEY WILL NOT CARE) AIGHT? ENJOY THIS SHIT AND GO FUCK INDEPENDENCE IN THE BUTT MY PAL.

DIPLOMATS - "BEAUTIFUL NOISE"

THIS IS WHAT AMERICA IS ALL ABOUT B. FREEDOM AND OVERCOMING STRUGGLES & SHIT. YOU FEEL ME? ALSO VERY EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS ON WHAT TO DO WITH WEED, DICE, GUNS, HOES, MONEY, CARS, ALSO INCARCERATION AND YOUR CHILDREN (DO IT! AND LOVE EM! RESPECTIVELY, MAKE SURE YOU DON'T MIX THOSE TWO UP.) JIM JONES IS SO MOVING ON THIS I'M NOT EVEN TRYNA BE FUNNY WHEN I SAY THIS SHIT IS LIKE A HOOD SELF HELP BOOK B. THIS SHIT WILL MAKE NIGGAS DO A CARTWHEEL OUTTA BED, PUT ON THEY MOST FINEST NO IRON VAN HEUSEN SHIRT AND WALLABEES, THEN GO OUT THERE AND GET THAT ENTRY LEVEL JOB. THIS SHIT WILL MOTIVATE YOU TO TEXT THAT GIRL YOU REALLY WANNA FUCK BUT HAS A BOYFRIEND…WHO CARES FUCK THAT NIGGA IT'S FOURTH OF JULY B #HEYBOO.

AZ - "GIMME YOURS"

THIS IS A VERY COOL SMOOTH SONG TO PLAY WHEN YOU AT A BARBECUE SMOKING WEED WHILE A NIGGA THAT LOOKS LIKE CHARLIE WILSON CHEFS UP SOME PRIZE WINNING RIBS (THE PRIZE IS HEART DISEASE BUT FUCK IT SHITS IS DELICIOUS). ALSO "GIMME YOURS" IS PRETTY MUCH WHAT WHITE PEOPLE TOLD THE NATIVES WHEN THEY LANDED IN PLYMOUTH JEEP DODGE OR WHEREVER THE FUCK NIGGAS SET UP SHOP WHEN THEY LEFT THEY SWAGGERLESS EUROPEAN MOTHERLANDS. THIS IS A GREAT SONG AND AZ IS "CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED" (THATS A SERIOUS JOURNALIST TERM FOR YOU NIGGAS.)

THE-DREAM - "EQUESTRIAN"

THIS IS SEX MUSIC, SO IF YOU TRYNA CATCH THAT QUICK DAYTIME BJ IN A QUIET CORNER OF YOUR PARTY WITHOUT HAVING TO COMMIT TO HAVING A BITCH HANGIN ON YOU ALL DAY THIS WILL HELP SPEED THAT SHIT UP LIKE WHITE CASTLE SLIDERS WILL SPEED UP YOUR BOWEL MOVEMENTS B. THIS ALSO RELATES TO INDEPENDENCE DAY BECAUSE I LEARNT IN SCHOOL THAT GEORGE WASHINGTON RODE A HORSE…OR HE HAD DENTURES MADE OUTTA HORSE DICKS OR HORNS? DO HORSES HAVE HORNS? THEY ONLY HAVE DONKEYS BACK IN MY MOTHERLAND. DONKEYS AND GIRLS WITH BUTTS THAT WILL DRIVE YOU TO TEARS AND BAD LIFE CHOICES. YOU SEEN HOW I TIED ALL THAT SHIT TOGETHER? THAT'S WHY VICE PAYS YA BOY THEM BIG COMMAS. JK I CANT EVEN GET NIGGAS ON THE PHONE. GIDDYUP GIDDYUP HEO YEA DATS WHAT DA FUCK IM TOCKIN BOUT. SIDE NOTE: THE DREAM IS THE ONLY NIGGA SINCE ROBERT KELLY THAT CAN SING SHIT LIKE "ITS TIME TO PUT IT IN YA MOUTH" AND NOT COMPLETELY TURN NON RATCHET WOMEN OFF.

OJ DA JUICE MAN - "I BE TRAPPIN"

BESIDES FREEDOM AND CRIPPLING YOUNG PEOPLE WITH STUDENT LOAN DEBT AND DESTROYING BLACK AND LATINO FAMILIES VIA THE PRISON INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX, AMERICA IS ALSO ABOUT CAPITALISM AND ENTREPRENEURISMS ETC. OJ EMBODIES THAT TO A FUCKIN T MY NIGGA. HE JUMP ON THIS SHIT LIKE "I BE TRAPPIN I BE TRAPPIN I BE WORKIN" AND "TRAPPIN IS A MUST"…BASICALLY THAT IS AMERICA IN A NUTSHELL B. NIGGAS OUT HERE WORKIN TRYNA GET THAT GREEN PAPER SO WE CAN PURCHASE PRODUCTS DESIGNED IN EUROPE AND MADE BY ASIANS LIVING WELL BELOW THE POVERTY LINE. ALSO YOUNG JEW MAN IS VERY PROUD OF HIS JEWISH HERITAGE AND PRIDE IS ALSO AN IMPORTANT PART OF THIS COUNTRY.

LA DELFI - "ESO GUSTA"

AMERICA IS ABOUT FREEDOM AND PRIDE AND SHIT AND LIBERTY ETC, WHAT SAYS PRIDE AND FREEDOM MORE THAN A CROSSDRESSING DEMBOW ARTIST? THIS GUY IS (AS FAR AS I KNOW) THE ONLY GAY DUDE DOING DEMBOW RIGHT NOW WHICH IS PRETTY BALLSY CONSIDERING DOMINICANS ARE SECOND ONLY TO JAMAICANS WHEN IT COMES TO HOMOPHOBIA AND THIS NIGGA IS PRETTY BLATANT ABOUT SUCKING PENISES FOR FUN. I THINK DOMINICANS RATIONALIZE IT BY BEING LIKE "HE'S SINGING LIKE HE'S A GIRL THO" WHICH I GUESS IS WHAT SHAKESPEARE DID BACK IN THE DAY BY HAVING NIGGAS PLAYING THE ROLE OF JULIET AND SHIT LIKE THAT…AND GREAT BRITANNICA IS THE COUNTRY THE UNITED STATES GAINED ITS INDEPENDENCE FROM SO POW NIGGA I JUST SLAM DUNKED THIS SHIT. ALSO THIS SONG IS ABOUT GETTING LAID (IN EXCESS, LITERALLY. "SEXO EN EXCESO") AND IF YOU AIN'T DOING DRUGS AND BLOWING SHIT UP TOMORROW YOU NEED TO AT LEAST BE TRYNA GET SOME PUSSY.

MAX EL PERRO - "PRENDE TO"

ON A MORE REGULAR NIGGA LEVEL TODAY IS A DAY WHEN YOU SUPPOSED TO PLAY WITH EXPLOSIVES AND BUY FIREWORKS IN PENNSYLVANIA THAT YOU WILL THEN LIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET ON KINGSBRIDGE BECAUSE FUCK BLOOMBERG. THIS SONG TITLE TRANSLATES DIRECTLY INTO "LIGHT EVERYTHING" WHICH IS WHAT YOU DOING IF YOU 12 OR DRUNK OR BOTH. SHOUTOUT TO ALL MY NIGGAS OUT THERE THAT WILL DRINK NEMOS AND BLOW THEY PINKIE FINGER OFF BY ACCIDENT. IF YOU DIDN'T ALSO BLOW UP YOUR IPHONE TRYIN TO VINE YOURSELF EXPLODING A PAYPHONE YOU CAN LISTEN TO THIS SHIT IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM HOLDING WHAT USED TO LOOK LIKE YOUR PINKY BUT NOW LOOKS LIKE BACON WITH BBQ SAUCE ON IT.

JOY DIVISION - "LEADERS OF MEN"

JOY DIVISION IS WHITE PEOPLE MUSIC AMERICA IS WHITE PEOPLE LAND. THAT'S FIRST AND FOREMOST, ALSO THIS SONG IS CALLED "LEADERS OF MEN" WHICH IS WHAT YOUR SOCIAL STUDIES TEACHER THAT WAS IN THE COAST GUARD WOULD CONSIDER NIGGAS LIKE THOMAS JEFFERSON AND LIKE ABRAHAM LINCOLN AND SHIT. SO THIS IS APPROPRIATE FOR FOURTH OF JULY BARBECUES, ALSO YOU NIGGAS WERE DEFINITELY NOT EXPECTING JOY DIVISION IN THIS LIL LIST BE HONEST. I THREW YOU NIGGAS A CURVEBALL AND YOU LOVE IT. THIS IS WHY I CAN RUN THROUGH BROOKLYN AND WHITE BITCHES ATTACH THEYSELF TO ME LIKE A SHAGGY DOG RUNNING THROUGH A FOREST EMERGES COVERED IN BURRS.

DEAD KENNEDYS - "TOO DRUNK TOO FUCK"

BY THE END OF THE NIGHT YOU SHOULD NOT BE TOO DRUNK TO FUCK, I JUST PUT THIS IN THERE SO YOU REMEMBER TO NOT GET TOO FUCKED UP. YOU STILL GIGGLING ABOUT THAT SHAGGY DOG LINE ADMIT IT IT'S OK. I LOVE YOU TOO. *MERO PUTS HIS HAND ON YOUR SHOULDER LIKE A LOVING GRANDMA*

FRENCH MONTANA - "SHOT CALLER"

THIS IS A FUCKING TIMELESS MUSICAL MASTERPIECE B. ALSO AMERICANS THINK THEY ARE THE SHOT CALLERS OF THE WORLD SO THIS RELATES TO INDEPENDENCE DAY YOU FEEL ME? I IMAGINE OBAMA LISTENING TO THIS SHIT WHEN HE TELLS KIM JONG UN "GO EAT A BAG OF ORPHAN BABY DICKS NIGGA HAAAAANH IMA SEND RODMAN OVER THERE I AIN'T EVEN GON SEND YOU SCOTTIE NIGGA HAAAAANH!!!" BEFORE HANGING UP CEREMONIOUSLY, KICKIN HIS FEET UP ON A MAHOGANY DESK AND LIGHTING A NEWPORT 100.

FRENCH MONTANA - "DRINK FREELY"

I DON'T REALLY NEED TO GIVE YOU AN EXPLANATION FOR INCLUDING ANOTHER FRENCH MONTANA JOINT. I'M FROM THE BRONX. (PICTURE OF J-LO THROWING X UP) EXCEPT THAT YOU SHOULD BE DRINKING FREELY AT THIS POINT ANYWAY CUZ YOU SUPPOSED TO BE CELEBRATING GENOCIDE AND GREED AND ALL THE OTHER SHIT AMERICA STANDS FOR B. TO QUOTE FRENCHY, DON'T WORRY MA JUST "WAKE UP WASTED DO THE WALK OF SHAME HAAAAANH!"

BONUS JOINT: A TRIBE CALLED QUEST "BONITA APPLEBUM"

THIS SONG ALWAYS GETS A CROWD REACTION NO MATTER WHAT KINDA CROWD YOU GOT GOING. ALSO IF YOU TRYNA SMASH AN ART SCHOOL BLACK GIRL WITH HAIR THAT HAS NOT BEEN CHEMICALLY TREATED YOU CAN PANTOMIME THIS WHOLE SONG RIGHT INTO HER BLACK SOAP CLEANSED TOTO. A TRIBE CALLED QUEST IS LIKE A KEYCARD THAT GRANTS YOU ACCESS INTO COLLEGIATE PUSSY. YOU'RE WELCOME NIGGA. THINK ABOUT ME WHEN YOU 69'ING WITH PAIGE MITCHELL-JENKINS (HER MOM IS A FEMINIST) TO THE SMOOTH SOUNDS OF ALI SHAHEED MUHAMAD. CLOSE YOUR EYES LOOK INTO THE SKY (CEILING WHATEVER) AND WHISPER "SEX, SEX…SEX…FREAKS…FREAKS….PEACE. THANK YOU KNOWLEDGEGOD"

I WILL FEEL THE VIBES AND UTTER A SERENE "YOU'RE WELCOME FUCKBOY"

HAPPY 4TH.

The Kid Mero dispenses #KNOWLEDGE on Twitter - @THEKIDMERO