So much so, she said, that being a fan sometimes takes a psychological toll on her. When she was first getting into K-pop, she said, she would sometimes feel sad and not “worthy enough” to be called a fan when she did things for her idols that they didn’t seem to notice. Now, she and her fellow psychology students run Fanpsy, an educational platform that strives to create a safe space for people to share and learn ways to “be a healthy fan.”“When [our K-pop idols] achieve something, [fans] will also be proud of their achievements… I consider myself as a part of their success.”
Fans like Menchaca, Nadya, and Cañafranca understand that their relationships with their idols are one-sided—that while they feel they know their idols, their idols ultimately don’t know them. But that doesn’t necessarily mean the relationships are shallow.“Parasocial relationships are definitely meaningful. In a way, I think what made me stay and become this invested is because of the impact that [BTS] had on my own life,” said Menchaca. She used to listen to a lot of indie and underground music, she explained, so K-pop wasn’t even really her “kind of sound.” But things changed when she started reading the translations of BTS’ Korean lyrics.“I was just so impressed by the things that they were saying,” said Menchaca. “The themes are really comforting stuff that I think, with people our age, everyone goes through… learning how to love yourself, starting all over again, or talking about how society always expects us to study, study, study, but there are other things in life.” It also helped, Menchaca said, that she’s around the same age as the members of BTS, so it felt to her that they were going through the same things.“If your idols inspire you, make you happy and be a better person, then great. However, you must keep in mind that if your interest in them gets in the way of living your life productively, then you can consider it a red flag.”
“The bonding process could be built even through the internet and it made me feel less lonely because we have people we talk to, feel like having other people who have, acknowledge, and relate to the same hobby,” Nadya said. The fandom has become a safe space for Menchaca, too—a place to connect with others over shared interests and values.“It’s hard to explain my own experience unless it kind of happens to you, too,” she said. “It’s just so wholesome—we just support people that we respect and are super inspired by.”Follow Romano Santos on Instagram.“I must say that what I value more after being in this fandom is the relationships I have developed with fellow fans, and the deeper connection I have cultivated with existing friends who I realized are also fellow fans.”