I'm Goin' Sakawa

In case you couldn't tell, I have a pretty decent life. I mean, all my belongings are in a storage facility in Massachusetts, except for a handful of out dated and ill-fitting clothes, but whatever. My roommate has an Xbox and I can sit on an old futon with my basset hound and two cats and watch the X-Files on Netflix all day long, because I only work three days a week.

Having a four day weekend probably sounds great to you, and it is, but the whole being dead broke and almost thirty thing is really starting to bum me out hard, so I am going to start practicing Sakawa.

I discovered Sakawa about forty-five minutes ago when I watched a documentary about it on Motherboard, and I am completely sold on the idea.

Allow me to break this down for you really quickly, because I don't have a lot of time here and I doubt you do either, person who is reading this: fraud + spiritual coercion = Sakawa.

Basically, dudes in Ghana troll the internet for chumps to hussle and rip off using romance and shopping scams. Genius. This takes hours upon hours though, because they have to email thousands of people before they get a bite. This is where the local Juju comes in.

A Juju priest is a religious figure who is more than happy to charge your outgoing emails with magic to make your cyber-grifting work for sure. All you have to do is pay him back; and you can do so in a number of ways. My personal favorite: repaying him with your girlfriend's period blood.

The other amazing part about Sakawa is that is it sweeping mainstream Ghanan culture. Movies, music and fashion have all been impacted by it. Sakawa wear is something I can definitely get behind. It's anything considered flashy by Africa's standards, which means I can probably dust off my old B.U.M. Equipment t-shirts and jumpers and go hog wild showing off my new found wealth.

Not to be rude, but I really don't have time to get into this any further. I'm finally going to turn my life around, and start making money so I can get back on track. I don't know where I can find a Juju priest in Brooklyn, but I saw a lady pushing a cat in a stroller the other day so I feel like nothing is out of the realm of possibility here.

Hopefully I will soon have more than one pair of jeans, and I would also like to pay off my infinite amount of parking tickets. Anyway, I'm going to Yelp the nearest Juju and get to work on my schemes to defraud people over the internet. TTYL.

Read more of Jenny here